4 Sexual Sins in Marriage Nobody Talks About

Sexual sins have been there forever – lust, pornography, sex before marriage, and so on. Even though it is slowly not a taboo anymore, there is still an area of sexual sins nobody seems to mention. These are sexual sins in marriage.

The thing seems impossible – since you are married, your bedroom life is pure… well, is it? Certain behaviors are not okay and God does not approve of them.

And I’m not talking about cheating – that’s obvious. There are other, more subtle ways you betray God and your spouse.

Today I’m revealing all taboos. Because things kept in secret have the power to enslave us, but when we bring them to light, we can be set free. So I don’t care how many times I blush writing these words or how many times you will sigh with shock, somebody needs to talk about these things.

So let’s dive into these secret sexual sins in marriage!

What Is a Sexual Sin?

As the Bible says many times, sexual sin is the worst of them all. The reasons behind it are simple – first of all, your sin touches more than one person. Even if it doesn’t seem like it now, your future spouse will suffer because of what you do “alone”.

Another thing – you give your body up for the sake of darkness. Every time you commit a sexual sin, it’s like you disobey and bite the forbidden fruit, when there are plenty of way tastier fruits available for you. You agree for less than God has prepared for you. You give up to the devil.

The design is simple yet so beautiful – a woman, a man, marriage, exclusivity, Song of Songs, physical, emotional, and spiritual fulfillment. So every time you do something outside of this design – you sin. You trade the most expensive masterpiece into a cheap imitation.

Sadly, these things happen when you’re married as well. Sexual sins in marriage are more common than we think and yet – why? – nobody talks about them.

Let’s go through them all so you can make sure your marriage’s bedroom is the purest it can be.

Sexual Sins in Marriage #1 – Withdrawing

Do not refuse to have sex with each other, unless both of you agree to stop for a short time. (1 Cor 7:5)

The Bible is clear about this topic. Whenever you refuse your spouse to have what’s rightfully theirs, you are behaving against the Bible’s orders. Refusing sex is one of the sexual sins in marriage. Now, it seems stern and even impossible to never say no, so let’s look deeper at this topic.

I think it is completely okay to say no once in a while. The reasons might vary – a wife has a period, a husband is tired, sickness, grief, etc. This is absolutely normal we won’t be able to or willing to have sex all the time. I think it is important though to frame it properly. To refuse, not reject. So if you don’t want it tonight, gently say so, and promise tomorrow.

Withdrawing is not healthy, no matter the side that does it. Repetitive withdrawal is a sexual sin in marriage, no matter how angry it can make some of us. God created a marriage for two people to be for each other.

The biggest paradox of modern times is feminism’s hypocrisy. Feminists get mad and scream “I don’t need to be available for him whenever he wants to!”, but if a man is the one who is refusing sex, then there is “Oh, poor girl, she must be so not satisfied…”. Both spouses have equal responsibility to respond to their partner’s sexual needs. And of course, it takes some practice and balance, if, for example, one spouse’s sexual needs are way more frequent than the other.

Cold “no” after “no” slowly takes away the passion in marriage, step by step. So be careful whenever you need to say it.

#2 Selfish Behaviors

…love does not insist on its own way (1 Cor 13:6)

Sex was created for us to give and take. If your main focus is to take and almost never give, you commit a sexual sin in marriage. Of course, there are seasons when one spouse takes more than the other, and it’s completely fine. But viewing sex as something that is supposed to please only you is just wrong.

Girls, let me have a word with you. If your man wants something that is outside your comfort zone, give it a chance. You are the only person who can satisfy his secret fantasies, so if he openly tells you his sexual dreams, do not hesitate to give them to him.

Guys, I know it is not always easy to please a lady, but giving up too soon and leaving her there after you only had fun is just not fair. Give some effort and get to know her body.

We should be generous and give a lot. God gave us so many possibilities in the bedroom, all you can do is to reach for them and bless your spouse.

On the other hand, there is another sexual sin in marriage that almost NOBODY dares to mention. Are you ready for this one?

#3 Not Taking the Gift

Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth (Proverbs 5:18)

I know, I know. Intimacy is hard to figure out, it can be painful sometimes (both emotionally and physically), and after so many mistreatments and traumas that many of us experienced it is hard to enjoy it.

But the good news is, it can all be conquered. No matter which intimacy issues you struggle with, you can get healed. God wants you to enjoy sex and He can make that happen. Even if it seems impossible at the beginning, you’ll get there.

Not taking is just as bad as not giving. Because hey, if you don’t want to take, then it’s like you refuse to give yourself fully to your spouse. If your spouse sees you are not enjoying intimacy with them, it can make them feel insecure or hurt.

That’s why it is crucial to talk about intimacy outside of the bedroom, to make things better for the two of you. Like, really. Life is too short not to ask for what you want in bed.

It might be embarrassing at first, and you might feel too vulnerable, but only bringing your desires to light can cause your spouse to know what you want. They won’t read your mind.

Great sex starts simply from talking.

#4 Strangers in the Bedroom!

But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart (Mt 5:28)

Not watching porn or making out with anyone else than your spouse is more than obvious. But how about fantasies or sex scenes in movies?

If you ever fantasize about anyone else than your spouse, it’s definitely a sexual sin in marriage. Your body and your thoughts should be faithful to your spouse. There are no such things as “innocent” flirting or “casual” fantasies. If your spouse is not the person you’re flirting with or fantasizing about, you’re letting the devil into your bedroom.

One person’s sexual attention should be enough for you. If it’s not, it’s time to work on your faithfulness.

It happens to all of us to lustfully think of somebody else. Yet you can stop the train before it leaves the station.

Also, the sex scenes in the movies… It is controversial and I know many of you won’t agree with me. Yet I think it is hurting your sexual relationship to watch such scenes. You’re watching other people have sex, no matter if they are naked or not really – it’s one of the sexual sins in marriage. It’s much better to avoid movies that contain them, or, less extreme, to skip them.

Why? First of all, why do you want to look at other (half) naked people when you have your wonderful spouse? Also, your sex life that you share with your spouse is unique. Do not let movies tell you how it should look or define what’s “sexy”. Do not sabotage your bedroom flourishing on its own.

Avoid Sexual Immorality and Sexual Sins in Marriage

It is not easy to keep yourself pure and faithful, but this is the only way to please God and also have the best of intimacy. Because the best is what God has designed for us so going astray even a step is causing you to lose a piece of the holy perfection.

It takes time and effort to build a satisfying sexual relationship in a marriage, yet it is so worth it. You reap what you sow after all.

I am sure that if you avoid the sexual sins in marriage I’ve mentioned above and intentionally work on your intimacy with your spouse, you will discover heaven on earth in no time 😉

I’m cheering and praying for you!