God made women so much different than men. This is a beautiful thing and instead of giving us lots of frustrations, it should give us a kick to improve ourselves. That of course includes communicating. Because belive it or not, there are a few things your husband needs to hear more often than “I love you”.
It might seem impossible since speaking love to another person is so natural to women. If my husband told me what he loves about me every single day I would be in heaven. Actually, I am, because he is growing in affirming me with words.
That’s why I’ve decided to work on it too – because hey, I can be a writer, but do I say to him the things that actually lift him up, warm his heart, and make him feel good? Do I respond to his emotional needs, oh so different than my own? What else can I do to empower him and make him feel like his best?
So let me present to you what I’ve discovered on my journey to improve myself as a wife. This list of 3 things your husband needs to hear more often than “I love you” can transform your marriage to a new level.
Trust me – just give it a few days and you’ll see what these compliments can do to a man!
1. I Respect You
Ahhh, that’s a classic one. You can love your man all day long. But when you admit his headship and you show him respect, he truly grows as a man. In your eyes and in his own!
Men need respect more than love because that’s the indicator of them being manly enough. I mean, if you’re a loving husband, a strong provider, and a brave protector, of course, people will feel respect towards you.
This rule also goes the opposite – if you as his wife misuse that power to lift him up, and instead you nag, roll your eyes, try to control him, etc., he WILL NOT feel an inch of respect from you. That’s why it is important to not only say these words but also mean them. Show them with your attitude as well.
And let’s not bring up the ancient argument that “he does not deserve respect”. Yeah, right. Because we are angels and deserve to be loved like queens. 😉
Of course, he is not perfect, but let me be real for a second. In any marriage/partnership I’ve observed, a disrespectful wife was making her husband even “less worthy” of respect. He was just giving up on his efforts because she kept on complaining.
My dear reader, you do not realize what kind of power you have to help your man grow. You are his helper, his queen, his crown. Use this wisely and repeat the things your husband needs to hear so often – “I respect you”. And make sure to display these words in your actions as well.
2. Thank You For Providing For Me
This one is certainly on the list of the things your husband needs to hear, you don’t even realize how much. As a provider, he longs to be appreciated for his role, seen for it, and – yes, again – respected.
Some men make the mistake of spending all their lives working, never willing to give more time to their families, and yes, it is a disaster. But look at this crazy circle. He goes out to provide, to work, to bring home good things so that you have the best life you can as he thinks. He comes back, exhausted, but happy he made a lot of money so you can buy whatever you wish, and all he hears is “You don’t even love me”.
I get it – your need to have him home more often should be honored. I’m sure you can express it gently and kindly, without accusing him of being the worst husband ever. Just remember to add these simple but oh-so-important words of gratitude.
Thank you for working so hard for us. You truly care about your family. You’re such a good provider I never lack a thing.
Flatter him a little bit, and then, after he feels respected and appreciated, make him aware you want more quality time. He cannot read your mind and he might have no clue you wish he didn’t prioritize work that much.
Last note about it, even if your husband is not making a lot of money yet, make sure to still compliment him in this sphere. It will push him to provide better and not feel bad about his current job. And also remember – provision is not only materialistic. It is also protection, care, leadership, security, etc. Make sure to appreciate him for these too.
3. You Make Me So Happy
Okay, okay, before any theological riot arrises, let me clarify. Of course, the only Person who gives us ultimate joy is God, there is no doubt. Also, we shouldn’t burden anyone to make us happy in a more shallow way – it is nobody else’s responsibility than our own.
BUT at the same time, a happy wife is an indicator of success for many men. If they can bring good things home, and care about her, so she goes around with a big smile on her face, they feel satisfied. That’s why admitting you are happy with him is on the list of the things your husband needs to hear to grow as a man.
Complaining and nagging just make them discouraged – but appreciating and complimenting builds them up.
He wants to know that his effort leads to the desired effort – you being happy he is your husband. Knowing that you are content with the life you share gives him a sense of relief like “Uff, I’m doing a good job” and helps him duplicate his efforts.
I’m not joking – these simple words are so important for a man. Make sure to say them as often as you can!
Why Are These Things Your Husband Needs to Hear At Least Once In a While So Important?
The Bible is clear on that one “Husbands love your wives, wives respect your husband”. He can feel you love him like crazy, but what he truly needs to know is that you respect him. And all 3 phrases above essentially communicate it.
You two are a team and you grow together. And words play great power in the process of growing:
Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, Sweet to the soul, and health to the bones. (Proverbs 16:24)
I hope it motivated you enough to start giving these important compliments to your husband on every possible occasion to do so.
If you want to learn more, feel invited to the article about the 3 Top Needs of Your Husband And How to Fulfill Them.
And at the end let me leave you with these words: