Emotional support is one of the most important aspects of marriage. If there is no emotional support, then there is no friendship, bond, or even love. That’s why it is good to learn how to show emotional support in marriage properly.
Support is such a lovely word, whenever I hear that I will these lovely sparks. It is because support – before it is connected to love – is usually associated with friendship.
But hey, it is not that easy to define what emotional support in marriage looks like.
I dare to say that it looks different for a husband and a wife. So let’s first explain what is emotional support for both genders and then allow me to present you some tips and tricks on becoming better at giving and receiving it. Let’s dive in!
What Is Emotional Support in Marriage?
This is not Wikipedia’s definition, yet in the simplest words, I would say that supporting means to cheer the partner up when things are going good and being there for them when they are going bad.
This is obvious, but you will support your partners differently after they’ve been promoted at work versus when they lost a loved one.
Plus, not all of us have the same emotional needs! That’s why one way of supporting might not work the same way with your husband as it usually works with your female friends.
Oh great, could it be any harder? I know, I know – but bear with me! I guarantee you that each of these tips has the potential to improve your emotional support skills by a few percent. Plus, you learn it once and then you know it for a lifetime.
So IT IS worth it.
To make it easier, I’ve divided the article into two main parts. Ladies first! The first section is for wives giving tips on supporting their husbands in different circumstances. After that comes the part for men teaching them how to support wives better.
So yeah, you can send this article to your partner so you can grow together!
I am not keeping you longer – let’s start!
For Wives – How to Show Emotional Support to Your Husband
Yes, men also need emotional support, and surprisingly more than us, women, in some spheres. Believe me, I know what I’m saying – I have a younger brother. Plus, I’m married!
We, wives, have such a power. We can lift the man up and encourage him to do amazing things or we can put him down. The saying that “Behind every successful man is a woman” has much truth!
Oh, I see you’re rolling your eyes. “Yes, Marysia, but you do not know my husband. He just cannot do amazing things”.
Let me stop you right there. Why did you marry him? Did you believe back then, when you were accepting his proposal that he COULD do amazing things? Exactly!
I mean, he married you and that’s one amazing achievement. Just look at you – to get such an incredible wife!
Okay, enough of flattering. I know you’re here for a specific purpose. You want to improve emotional support in marriage. So let’s start from a place that all of us know too well.
Showing Emotional Support in Marriage When Things Are Bad
Problems appear in marriage very often and when they do, they hit hard. The most popular are problems with sex or… financial issues.
And you just so wish he could provide more at the same working as a dog yourself. You get frustrated that you not only work as much as him but you are also left with all the household.
If money flows, then maybe you struggle with him – let’s call things as they are – not satisfying your sexual needs. You want long foreplays, romance around it and he is there with his will to please only himself.
Or, also a popular scenario, you can tell him 148 times to fix this stupid sink and he does not.
Or – God forbid – you’re struggling with the scary trio – money, sex, and a broken sink – at once!
Jokes aside, there can also be death, depression, health issues, addictions. Whatever it is, here is what you can do Super Woman:
Admire and Praise Him
Hm? Say what? How could I possibly do this when *type whatever applies to your situation*.
The thing is, our husbands rely on our words more than we would think. They want to be the best, the most competent, and the most successful men in our eyes.
If we don’t see them like this, who will?
Many people will (many other women too!), but no matter how many others will admire him, he will still long for your admiration.
This is one of the most powerful ways to show emotional support in marriage.
“You’re amazing!”, “I’m proud of you”, and “I believe in you” are very powerful sentences. Just as “You’re handling it very well” or anything encouraging that comes to your mind.
Warning: Do not make a scene out of it. If you were not saying admiring words to your husband for a while, a serenade about his awesomeness out of nowhere would feel out of place.
Start gently. Something as simple as “Well done” can push the wheel.
Yeah, but what if there is nothing to admire or praise?
Appreciate Little Things
If there is nothing obvious, you need to look for the tiniest things. And that’s a good habit – to always look for the best.
Okay, he did not fix the sink, but maybe last week he took the heavy groceries and carried them so you didn’t have to?
Fine, he is not making much money, but do you remember how he stayed overtime on the weekend?
Sure, he is selfish in bed, but maybe he told you you looked pretty yesterday?
Appreciate little things that he does well to show emotional support and appreciation even if he is surrounded by failures.
If you do it consistently, your attitude towards him will change and he will notice that sooner or later. Then he will do bigger and bigger things. Your emotional support towards him expressed by words of affirmation will grow in him and he will come out from these difficulties.
I can promise you that.
Let Him Be in His Cave
Many men, when they struggle, find comfort in doing super manly things alone. It might be annoying for us, wives, because we would like them to talk it out – simply because that’s what we would do.
Yet, sometimes they truly need that. And we have a choice – nag him and criticize “Oh, you’re going fishing? Leaving me again?” or simply let him do it joyfully. “Oh, you’re going wishing? Have fun! When should I expect you with dinner?”.
Doing whatever he likes to do alone and in silence is therapy for him. Yes, yes, for us it sounds rather like torture 😉
Allowing your man to leave the whole world behind and be in a cave is supporting his emotions. Really!
Does watching Pretty Little Liars or Gossip Girl make you handle the pain better? See, exactly. For him, it is playing games, watching any sport, fishing, or anything like that.
My grandpa goes mushroom hunting for example. Just in case you thought your man cave in unique 🙂
Shoulder-to-Shoulder
When my stepfather had something he needed to talk about, he was not looking into my eyes. Back then it seemed weird, but after some years I finally understood.
In these rare moments when men talk their feelings out and ask for emotional support in marriage, they do it shoulder-to-shoulder, not face-to-face.
They much rather sit with you and look somewhere else, maybe even do one of their manly things that I’ve mentioned before.
Sometimes all they need is companionship. For you to be next to your husband without dragging anything out of him is the perfect method to show emotional support in marriage.
If he wants to talk, he will. If he does not, he will know that you are there for him.
Showing Emotional Support in Marriage When Things Are Good
Now, why would you even need to show your husband emotional support when all is fine?
First of all, you want to put the foundation for the future. If you support him when all is fine, it will be much easier to do it when the problems come.
Second, positive emotions need just as much notice and care as negative ones. If you support him when he is all successful and who knows, maybe he even fixed this sink, then he will much quicker share with you if something is wrong.
Our power as wives is also great here – our love and respect can make the good things into better ones!
Here is what you can do to achieve it:
Show Gratitude
Gratitude is a powerful tool. Showing how grateful we are for our husbands can assure them that whatever good they did, was on point.
If he got promoted, tell him over and over again how you believed in him and how thankful for his provision you are.
When he gave you this lovely long foreplay, praise how good of a lover he is the day after.
If he fixed something you have been asking him for months (let’s leave the poor sink out of it, this time let it be a drawer), see how useful he is and how you can rely on his fixing stills.
Be grateful and show it all the time – he will feel like there is nothing he cannot do.
Celebrate Him
Another lovely way to show emotional support in marriage when things are going well is to celebrate every small victory of your husband.
Cook his favorite meal, surprise him with nice lingerie, let him watch a match, provide him snacks – you know him best.
Make sure your husband feels like a winner – this is the best prize he can get!
Happy, Chilled Wife
You might be surprised but the thing that gives the man the biggest pride is when he can make his woman happy.
If instead of complaining and nagging you are walking around with a smile on your face, he will feel supported. He will know that any success he achieved, whether it is financial, social, or personal, was worth the way because of your happiness.
You know what they say? Happy wife, happy life. And this is 100% true!
So let him know he makes you happy. Simple as that.
For Husbands – How to Show Emotional Support to Your Wife
I know, we, women, are so complicated. And SO emotional. But since you scrolled to this part (or you were a rebel and you read a section for women, too) you probably want to improve your skill of giving emotional support to your wife.
This is not an easy job to do, yet these tips will for sure give you some knowledge and maybe she will not cry harder just like it happened many times before.
Do not worry! It is normal not to be born with the skill of giving effective support. You gain it with time.
And not to bore you with too long of an introduction, let us start!
Showing Emotional Support in Marriage When She Is Sad
Sad, overwhelmed, tired, exhausted, disappointed, frustrated… your wife could probably describe her emotional state with such details that you would get a headache.
For the sake of you not getting a migraine, let’s wrap all these heavy emotions into one adjective – sad.
You have to know, that there are situations when a woman feels sad because of a particular reason. And there are moments when it is just the day. Or, more probably, a bad day of the cycle.
And if you understand (and respect) these dynamics, this will be a first step towards improving your support.
So let’s cover the basics first:
Let Het Be Sad
The worst thing you can do is to minimize her feelings. Yes, it might seem like the thing that upset her is tiny, yet it matters to her.
Allow her to cry, eat chocolate, talk it out, and validate her feelings.
If you do not know what to say, you can start with sentences like “This might be hard”, “You must feel awful”, or “You have every right to feel like this”.
Even if she is overdramatizing (there is a drama queen in all of us), let her get it out and validate her struggles. This is a great way to show her emotional support and I’m sure she will appreciate it.
But make sure to be sincere and truly empathetic – do not pretend to validate half-laughing, or roll your eyes secretly.
Let her feel her feelings matter and you treat them seriously.
Advice or Listening
You probably have the purest intentions and when your wife has a problem, you want to fix it. You shower her with useful and reasonable advice and yet she bursts out in tears even more.
The thing is, if a woman wants you to advise her, she will simply ask. “What would you do?”, “How could I solve this?” or the simplest “I need your advice” are the green lights.
Usually, she does not want the solution, no matter how crazy it might seem to you. She just wants to be listened to. That’s why we talk more than men – it becomes easier when we can speak our hearts out and feel lighter.
If you are not sure which situation it is, simply ask what she needs. And then give her that. sometimes your full attention and active listening are the best solutions you can offer to make her happy. Trust me, I know what I’m saying 🙂
Comfort Food (It IS a Form of Emotional Support in Marriage)
You know, this might seem silly to you, yet one of the best ways to show your wife emotional support when she feels sad is to feed her.
Take her out, order in, or buy her favorite sweets – you cannot go wrong with it.
I do not approve of stress eating, not at all, yet sometimes this portion of endorphins out of good food can do magic to a sad girl.
That’s why when everything else fails, go to the supermarket.
Full Attention
Women love to feel listened to. Not half-listened or simply noticed.
If your wife is sad, the best way to show her emotional support in marriage is to stop everything that you’re doing and focus completely on her.
Put your phone down, turn off the match (I know, but true love is sacrificial), and skip the fishing session to be with her. Look her in the eyes and listen actively.
Warning: Listening is not being quiet and not moving a single muscle on your face. Nod, ask questions, sympathize with whatever she is saying.
Even though you are her husband, she still wants you to be her friend.
Showing Emotional Support in Marriage When Things Are Good
Oh, this is lovely. Your wife is happy, and smiling and she achieved something great. Or simply she enjoys life because her period is gone.
We are usually very stern with ourselves and sadly, many women think that their value is dependent on how much they do, for example at home.
So if she is at the stage when she is finally satisfied with herself, it is important to encourage her to stay there for as long as possible 😉
Be Her Fan
If you express how much she means to you and how many great things she can do, you will master giving emotional support in marriage very quickly.
Compliment her skills – the way she cleaned the house so that it shines, the very tasty dinner, how she handled a bunch of guests lately, how well she performed while singing in the shower.
If you look around, you will see how many amazing things she does – you can miss out on them, but it will be so loving if once in a while you notice her effort.
If you see your wife as a superstar, she will start feeling like one.
Be Involved in Her Happiness
If she is excited about a new hobby – let’s say sewing – encourage her and be involved in her hobby as a supportive partner.
If she likes cooking and she is cooking better and better, you can buy her a few cooking accessories to show her appreciation and that you believe she is the best cook in the world for you.
Showing sincere interest in her little happy things will result in you two bonding better.
Even if something seems silly to you and you think she is wasting time doing this non-profitable thing, try to understand and enjoy her happiness with her.
Being engaged in your wife’s hobbies and interests is one of the most powerful ways to show emotional support in marriage.
Start Improving Your Emotional Support in Marriage
I hope I gave you some useful tips that you can use straight away. I guarantee you, that if you would do an experiment and use them for 30 days, your marriage can change dramatically.
It all takes some practice and changing habits. But I know you can do it, no matter if you are a wife or a husband.
I believe in you!
Let me know in the comments which of the tips you will use first. 🙂