So it happened. You’ve married the love of your love – or at least you hoped so.
And then the challenges hit and instead of whistling with happiness and dancing in the kitchen together, you start wondering “How to GET THROUGH the first year of marriage?”.
Once you get through it, you claim the reward of Survivor and start even the most exciting second year, yay! But how to get there? Let me show you:
Welcome to the Lost series, honey
The plane (your life as a single) crashed and now you are in the jungle of Marriage Land, aaaaa!
Okay, a little bit too dramatic. But hey, you’re on the blog of the Drama Queen 😉
You DID NOT expect it to be this hard and you do not know if you will ever survive it. Just go through the first year of marriage – you tell yourself and lose all the fun and enjoying. Spoiler: It does not get easier. You simply learn how to navigate in the jungle.
How to Get Through the First Year of Marriage? Crucial Knowledge.
There is a lot that I’ve learnt in the first year and since I had to learn the hard way, you do not have to anymore. If you will not only read but put to practice these advices, you will for sure get through the first year of marriage with a smile on your face.
1. Expect the First Year of Marriage to Be Hard And Full of Drama.
Starting from managing the household through navigating the intimacy to deciding if you watch Top Model or Car Show on Friday evening. It takes time to balance two lifestyles and make the expectations clear.
Arguments and disagreements mean that you are going through the process in a healthy, assertive way. It does not mean you are not loving each other or that you’ve made a mistake. It means you are in the Marriage Land, simply…
Foresigned forearmed? Is that how the idiom goes? I do hope so.
You will be surprised how much you will argue – this is natural because just like in physics, when two bodies crush then… okay, let’s not go that route. You know what I mean? The frictions need to happen. And there will be bunch of them at the beginning.
What can help is being patient with… yourself! With your husband as well, of course. But believe me, he will expose your flaws as well. Forgiving yourself and moving on can help you go through the first year of marriage happily.
2. Fight the Temptation to Complain About Your Husband.
Right after your plane crashed you discovered that your husband is so selfish! Instead of looking for the wood to start the fire for you two, he is lazily eating a banana without even sharing it with you. How dare he!
In the first year of marriage we discovered our partner anew and we find just as many advantages as disadvantages. You might face the temptation to call your girlfriends for a “how bad my husband is, you won’t believe” secret meeting. Believe me, you do not want to do this.
It will eventually get better but your girlfriends will still see your husband through the previous lenses. The basic rule of survival in the Marriage Land is – girlfriends do not forget.
Instead of telling them how forgettable he is that he mixed cayenne pepper with chili, focus on the positive side – for example that he took out the trash not asked yesterday.
I do regret not doing that form the beginning – the rule of 91/9. What is it? Oh, simply – 90% of your focus goes to the things that your hubby does well, and 9 for the flaws – you know, so he can still grow. 🙂 Shifting your mind’s focus can change you from well… you know what to type here… to the kindest wife ever.
Seriously, try it! 🙂
3. Breathe, just Breatheeeeee.
It might be painful and hard sometimes – you might burst out into tears and panic that it is hopeless and you will never be happy under one roof. It’s important to relax and breathe because it is A LOT of tension.
It might sound funny, but the best way to go through the first year of marriage is to take things easy and do not expect a lot.
You will have a lifetime to work on things and improve – for now it is enough to have “okay” marriage that will grow to the fantastic, sweet and passionate one soon. Patience is the key!
4. Invest In the Foundation Especially In the First Year of Marriage.
The ultimate way to go through the first year of marriage is to invest it in from the day one. Read books, listen to the podcasts and for example read your favorite blogger’ s blog 🙂
Bible says “You will reap what you sow” and this rule applies to relationships more than to anything else. O, speaking of! Bible is the great resource when it comes to marriage, no matter if you are a Christian or not. Who does not see the sense and beauty in famous hymn “Love is patient, love is kind…”.
My motto is the motto of Hermione “Whenever in doubt, go to the library!” 🙂 So I read bunch of books to get through the first year of marriage. And guess what? I did! And I use the knowledge that I gained years ago now, too. Do I need to convince you more? To the library!
5. Ask for Help If Needed.
But not your girlfriends 😉
If things get too hard, harder than the norm, it is wise to consult somebody wiser and more experienced. Older married couple can be a good idea. But happily married one, that’s crucial! You do not want to hear old people complain about marriage, you seek for wisdom and support.
You can also ask me any question that you want via contact form. I’ll be happy to help!
This helped me understand many things – when I had an issue in my marriage I was scratching my head about, I was meeting with the older couple from the church.
Asking for help is not a sign of weakness – it is the act of strength.
6. Work on Your Issues.
Not the truly romantic aspect of marriage, but it is for sure the most real.
When you get married, somehow it triggers traumas and behaviors’ chains that you were not aware you have! Marriage will expose them perfectly just like trying to survive in the jungle would do – see, comparison to Lost makes more and more sense.
If you discover you have too high expectations when it comes to cleaning the toilet, time to make them lower and realistic.
After you discover you tend to call your husband knucklehead way too often, minimalize it.
If you find out you are a drama queen (just like me, yay, matching!), time to start anti-dramatizing a little bit. Do not try to change your husband, change yourself first. Then he will follow.
7. Recognize the Difference Between “Hurts” And “Annoys”.
Through the first year of marriage you will be hurt many times and annoyed even more. Important skill to gain is recognizing which one is which.
If something hurts you, for example he forgot your month-sery, then kindly communicate that to him. When a certain behavior rather annoys you, like he leaves his socks everywhere in the house, then maybe it is healthy to accept and let go?
Of course, you can still tell him that hey, man up and put the socks where they belong, but in case nothing happens, do not be too hard on him. You can leave your panties everywhere in return 😉
When you feel hurt, communication skills and courage come in hand.
When you feel annoyed… well, acceptance is needed 🙂
Lost Is an Exciting Series!
The last, not not least, is to enjoy the process, because once you get through the first year of marriage, then you can never go back. Have fun and chill! This is just as important as everything above. You will survive and create a beautiful memories.
Say it with me aloud – “I will survive!”. And not only survive, but have the fantastic first year.