Hey there, beautiful! We’ve all been there. You’re all dressed up in your sexiest lingerie, and your husband seems more interested in his video game controller than in you. What on earth is wrong with him? Or you? Or this stupid video game controller?! You’re asking yourself – Why my husband has no desire for intimacy?
We’re going to explore why some husbands seem to have “no desire for intimacy” and I will share tips on how to navigate this common – yes, more common than we think – challenge.
The Mysterious Case – who killed the Desire?
Desire was found dead in your husband heart’s apartment. No witnesses. Who was the killer? What was the weapon? Come on my Sherlock, let’s find out!
You know the drill – you’re feeling all romantic and stuff, but your husband appears to have misplaced his libido (am I the only one thinking it’s a weird word? Sounds like a Spanish name for some kind of snack). Before you start thinking it’s you, let’s dig into portfolios of some suspects of his disappearing act.
Suspect number 1 – Mr Stress
Stress is a universal sneaky desire killer, and it can play a significant role in your husband’s lack of interest. Between work, bills, obsessive car-washing and the never-ending to-do list, sometimes, even something as awesome as sex with you can’t compete.
But, did Mr Stress kill the Desire in this case? Or, worse, he committed this murder with somebody else? Let’s get to know more suspects of your husband having no desire for intimacy.
Suspect number 2 – Senior Aging
I am not saying your husband is old, even if he really is. But, time passes, his body changes, yours as well, and maybe he’s coming through a hard transition. How unfair it is! Statistically we are the most satisficed in bed around our 40s, and men… in their 20s. My husband turned 30 few months ago, what now? Well, nothing, luckily my husband’s desire was killed and quickly brought back to life by My-Wife-Thought-I-am-not-interested-in-her-ecause-I-thought-she-is-not-interested-in-me. Yup, that’s a popular murderer too.
If Senior Aging killed the Desire, do not worry, it can be restored, but maybe in a different form that you were used to. Girl, have mercy on him, he’s getting old!
Suspect number 3 – Misses Routine
Ah, this lovely Routine that makes us, wives, feel safe, can have opposite effect on our dear husbands. I am not talking about dull sex life, bur generally daily routine. Actually no, I AM talking only about boredom in bedroom – if every single day you do something exciting in bed, the every aspect of the day can be the same till the end of his life, and he will be happy. Trust me, you can cook the very same meal everyday and as long as you surprise him in bed, he will not consider it a boring routine.
If Routine killed your husband’s desire, I have the resurrections kit for you. 101 ways to try, one of them for sure will work – check it out, honey!
Suspect number 4 – Mr and Mrs Different Expectations
You might have different ideas of what’s “intimate.” Maybe he’s showing his love and affection in other ways, and you’re missing the signals. Or maybe he expected that giving you an orgasm would be easier? I mean, it’s a whole philosophy to get, isn’t it? Or you faced some issues, like pain during sex, and he is afraid to be intimate with you again.
All of us have expectations, not only about intimacy in marriage, but married life in general. So Miss Different Expectations might have been the murderer in this case.
Suspect number 5 – Junk Food Gang
No, no, no, do not leave, I am not a fit freak – I just know how much food can influence every sphere of our lives, including libido (now Spanish word for a snack makes sense!). Health issues, medication, or lifestyle choices, especially daily nutrition, can affect desire. Maybe it’s that new prescription he’s on, or maybe it’s just those late-night burgers with double sauce make him feeling sluggish.
If there are aphrodisiac that increase libido, analogically there are unhealthy ingredients that can lower it. Get him on a diet girl!
Suspect number 6 – cursed be his name
In some cases, sadly, there is another murderer of the desire. Its weapon is so strong that it will hurt you deeply. Sometimes we do not want to know why our husbands have no desire for intimacy with us. Let’s reveal the name of the last suspect – porn. So another women. Or gosh, another women not only in the computer. I know, you are so hurt that your husband has no desire for intimacy with you, because he fulfills his needs somewhere else – you are torn apart. You want to make a huge drama so he stops. Sadly, it can have reverse effect. This subject requires a lot of sensitivity and patience.
Ha, I know why my husband has no desire for intimacy! I’ve found the murderer(s). Where is the prison?
Wow, hold your horses. Fight the evil with good, right? Here is what you can do if the murderer in your case is…
Mr Stress
Start a gentle, non-confrontational conversation with your husband to understand his feelings and concerns. Listen and offer support. Also, good idea is to help him relax. Play Xbox together, watch a match, just let him do what men can do best – nothing. Okay, just kidding, men usually are hard-working. But still, chapeau bas, they can turn their brains off.
Senior Aging
Shift the focus from performance in the bedroom to building an emotional connection. Enjoy each other’s company without the pressure for physical intimacy. Let the old man rest 😉 Or, why not try the ways that require you to do majority of the job?
Misses Routine
Be open to trying new activities and experiences that can reignite the spark in your relationship. Be creative. And maybe a little bit crazy 😉 Inject excitement into your relationship with regular date nights. Rediscover the fun and passion that brought you together.
Mr and Mrs Different Expectations
Initiate conversations about your expectations. Discuss what you both want and need from the relationship. Use “I” statements to express your own expectations without making it sound like an accusation. For example, say, “I would appreciate it if we could make love more often” instead of, “You never want to have fun with me, you lazy knucklehead!”.
Junk Food Gang
Replace junk food with healthy alternatives in your kitchen. Stock up on fresh fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean proteins, and other nutritious snacks. When healthy options are readily available, your husband is more likely to choose them. Prepare a weekly meal plan for you two and stick to it. Include balanced, satisfying meals that reduce the urge to snack on junk food. But let him have his burger once in a while for the sake of balance 😉
He Who Has Not Be Named
Take some time to understand your own feelings and emotions about your husband watching porn. It’s okay to feel a range of emotions, from insecurity and jealousy to confusion. Be honest with yourself about how it affects you. Initiate a calm and non-confrontational conversation with your husband about the issue. Choose a time when you’re both relaxed and can talk openly. Use “I” statements to express your feelings and concerns, such as “I feel hurt when I find out you’re watching porn.”
The case is solved, my Sherlock
We did it! We found the murderer! Isn’t it satisfying? Cooperating with you was a pleasure. I hope you know how to restore the victim to life and deal with the suspects. If not, do not hesitate to reach out to me.
So, my dear reader, if you’ve ever thought, “My husband has no desire for intimacy” you’re not alone. These things happen in relationships, but it doesn’t have to be a deal-breaker. Stay open, communicate, and remember that love isn’t always about grand gestures but also about understanding and growing together.
Out of curiosity, which of the suspects was the murderer in your case?