If you’ve found this article, I assume you are dating someone or want to enter a relationship. Maybe you are simply curious about the tips I can give you to wait for sex until marriage. Or, that’s also possible, that you’ve crossed the line and desperately want to bring it back.
Either way, I hope you’ll leave this article inspired and equipped to wait for sex until marriage. Things I’m about to share might sound challenging, but they can help you. So if you want to wait for sex until marriage (and I guarantee, it IS worth waiting), then let me share with you what I and my now husband did in the dating stage to keep ourselves pure.
Because God created intimacy to happen inside marriage – it is the purest and the most fulfilling if done in a marriage bed (or shower, or any other place, between a husband and a wife). And I bet you are trusting God and want to open this gift when the right time comes.
So let’s sit down with a cup of coffee, tea, or water (perfect for this hot weather) and nice biscuits and have a talk. Shall we?
Oh right, the history…
I think there was a reason why some years ago it was scandalous to go to bed with somebody before getting married.
It was the responsibility of a gentleman to keep the lady pure, and she was to wait for him with sex as well. Of course, the wedding was happening quicker back then (as opposed to nowadays when a wedding can come YEARS after the engagement).
Yet I think it was a beautiful tradition. And somehow we find ourselves in times that encourage sexual freedom (or rather licentiousness – I hope this is the right word, needed to use Google Translator to translate the word from my native language, Polish :)).
And there are people (Christians!) that want to stay to these retro values but the lack of chaperones and social pressure make it way harder for them.
But happily, I can admit that I and my now husband (yay!) waited for sex until marriage. How? We stuck to these rules:
1. No Kissing Before Marriage
This might seem strict, I know. But think about it. Nobody jumps to bed straight away! And the element that usually leads to it is… a kiss on the lips.
If you start kissing only after you say your vows as a part of the gift to be unwrapped after getting married, then you’re limiting the risk of crossing the line in the intimacy sphere before it.
It was not easy for us. Yet, we set this rule and decided to stick to it no matter what. And as long as this rule protected us from sinning, it also let us experience a romantic first kiss on our wedding day.
Devil can squeeze through the smallest crack and I think kissing your date can create such a tiny little crack.
To be honest, we had one potentially dangerous situation when something as innocent as a quick kiss on the cheek burned a small fire in us. That’s why this one should be supported with other rules to wait for sex until marriage, to make the temptation even less powerful. PS. If you want to dive deeper into the subject of not kissing before marriage, check out this article.
We also set another rule:
2. Not Spending Time Alone in Private Places
I’ve never seen anybody make love publicly. I mean, I’m glad! But my point is, that these things usually happen behind closed doors.
That’s why we found it necessary to set a rule not to be alone at home or any other space like this. Of course, there were a few exceptions that were not dependent on us, but as much as we could we strictly followed this rule.
Even to the point that when my roommate went to classes, we went out too, in the rain!
It might sound funny, because please, we are not animals, we would not… or wouldn’t we? We are just human beings. Human beings in love. We should not trust our own strength. And if not watching movies on the couch alone is what it takes, then we were ready to make this sacrifice.
Let me tell you, you’ll have plenty of time to explore yourself that way. You don’t need to be scared that you’re missing out on anything implementing this rule.
Plus, walking outside, talking in coffee places, and going to the cinema is a charm of dating indeed!
3. Dressing Up Modestly
This one might seem like a rule for ladies, but it also applies to men! Our bodies are the temples of God. Keeping them pure is our responsibility.
And physical attraction is very strong. Which will be a huge blessing after marriage if you are super attracted to each other, but for now it should be toned down.
Do not put yourself in situations when you need to be negligee (is that the right word? I do hope so! #StrugglesOfNonEnglishSpeaker) with each other. Yeah, there are places where you just have to, like the beach, but… let me tell you a small story.
When Alex came to visit me and my family and all of us went to the lake, it just felt wrong for me to undress myself into a swimsuit (the modest one, but still). I felt like I would uncover something that was supposed to be seen way, way later. So yup, I went swimming in shorts and a hoodie.
But on the other hand, I did not want to see Alex shirtless. I mean, I DID want to, but again, it felt wrong. We did not want the devil to use curiosity for our thoughts to wander to places they yet should not.
Because to wait for sex until marriage also means keeping your mind pure.
Find out more about modesty: Modesty in Theory, in Practice, and in Style.
4. Being Serious About Our Relationship
We knew we were dating to eventually get married. We said it on the very day we became a couple 🙂
This purpose, this awareness is the foundation of everything. Knowing that you will either marry this person or if things just don’t work out, break up, gives you a different perspective.
First of all, you want to build a strong foundation for your future marriage – a foundation that is not based on physical things, let’s say.
Second, if you end up breaking up, you are sure you did not “bite an apple” and you do not start feeling like you’ve given something special to the wrong person.
So dating to marry is a must. If you are serious about each other and God’s design for marriage, you will have a big motivation to wait for sex until marriage.
5. Full Disclosure About Sexual Past
The closer we got to our wedding, the more urgent it seemed to talk about these things.
I do not encourage you to casually talk about sex with your date, but you should have one deep talk about it.
It is important because of two reasons. First, it is just healthy to know each other’s sexual past. You both need to be okay with what happened, even if your lifestyle changed since the past.
If for example, you lost your virginity, your partner needs to know that. You need to be fully transparent with each other.
Such openness not only makes everything clear but also makes it easier to fight the sexual temptation together. Or separately, better, but as a team 🙂
If sex is kept a total taboo, then it just becomes more tempting to bite this forbidden apple. That’s why we recommend having a deep talk about intimacy with honesty and vulnerability.
6. Setting Clear Boundaries About Touch
This is very individual. But it is important to agree on certain boundaries that are comfortable for both of you.
If you are not sure what is okay and what isn’t I suggest setting a very simple criteria of… siblings. Whatever form of physical affection you would show to your sister/brother, use in your dating stage. Do not go further.
Because before the vows are spoken, you are brother and sister in Christ only.
Be honest with each other – if a form of touch makes your body send reactions that you do not want it to send yet, speak up. I know it takes bravery, but hey, we are fighting for the Kingdom of God here!
At the end of these rules above comes one that’s probably the most important…
7. STICKING to the Rules!
The things that helped us the most to wait for sex until marriage were perseverance and… stubbornness. We stuck to our rules firmly, no matter what. Some people were laughing at us, rolling their eyes, or anyhow else trying to convince us we were weird. Yet we did not give up!
Do not settle for the standard of the world. Settle for the standard of God.
And yes, the sooner you create your rules, the better. Honestly, the best if you declare them on your first day of dating!
This way you can have clarity and avoid misunderstanding or one person crossing the line about something.
It IS SO Worth to Wait For Sex Until Marriage
God wants you to have this beautiful experience of unwrapping the gift. And despite what the world says, it is totally possible to wait for sex until marriage. We did and many other couples did.
And believe me, I do not know a single one that regrets waiting.
And I bet you won’t regret too.
Do You Need Some Help In The Fight for Purity Before Marriage? I Have a Tool Just for You:
Thank you so much for your tips. I’m 21, christian and virgin and about to enter in relationship with someone that is not virgin but Christian. We are both willing to wait until marriage but my concern is for him or I should say the time I will make us wait for our marriage ( about 5years for important reasons). So is the amount of time you Take before marriage play a role in that waiting?. Thank you for answering
Dear Jémima, that’s a good questions! I can see through your message that you are a lovely young woman who loves God, which is fantastic. Let me honest with you – 5 years is a long time. I’m not writing it to discourage you, rather for you to be prepared that it might not be easy, especially for your soon-to-be-boyfriend. Yet, if you are both willing to wait and you ask God to help you out, it is totally doable for you to stay pure. After all, Jacob was waiting for Rachel 14 years 😉 At the same time, my sweet and wise sister in Christ, if I were you, I would do everything what I can to step into a marriage sooner. I write more about why it is good to marry soon in an article “Why getting married young is such a great idea”, you can check it out here, on my blog. If you are sure you want to spend the lifetime with this particular man, then go for it as soon as you two can. Of course, I believe your reasons to marry after 5 years are important, but if you can do anything to shorten this time, I would suggest you do so. I promise it will be all worth it. If you have any more questions/doubts, do not hesitate to reach out. Blessings! 🙂
Thank you Marysia for your help! I understood and I will ask God to help us out 🤗 because between us, 5 years is definitely too long for me and my now boyfriend.
Thank you again. Blessings!
Thank you! It’s was very helpful. I’m sharing it to my sisters!
Hello Lizzie!
I’m glad the article was helpful – blessings to you and your sisters! 🙂