It was like from a movie. I came to Budapest for a few months, with the intention of having some adventures, learning new survival skills, and coming back to Poland.
That was the plan. But God… oh God had a different plan.
I’ve met a boy. A man, to be precise.
And everything changed. Well, I still left for Poland, but had somebody in Budapest who was sending me letters. Yes, letters, you’ve read right. Not messages.
Some people might roll their eyes and say “So old fashion”, but I’ll say “So freaking romantic!”.
Long story short, a few months later we were saying our vows and here I was – a wife. A newlywed. And soon enough I was about to discover some secrets of being these two things I’d never heard before. So now I’m passing them to you so you don’t need to learn the hard way.
It’s Bittersweet
Don’t get me wrong, marriage is amazing. A happy, loving marriage is probably the best thing that can happen to a person. Other than being saved by Jesus of course.
You are creating a union with a person, love flows, you mature, you grow as a person, and everything… just makes sense.
But also, there is grief in this process. That was probably the one thing nobody prepared me for. I grew up seeing bad marriages in my family, assuming that if it’s bad, then you’re unhappy. But if only I would manage to create something better, then there would be no sadness.
Well, there was. And sadness is too little of a word – because I was seriously and deeply grieving.
Of course, I’ve gained so much – a home, a husband, a purpose. But I “lost” my previous family, and moved out from everything that I knew. Now it wasn’t just me – it was me and Alex. It was us.
This feeling of loss is natural, and please, if it comes down to this, don’t beat yourself up. Getting married is a huge change in any sense, and it is a bittersweet change, even if, like me, you are happily married and it cannot possibly get better.
It will be heart. Your heart will break. But it will grow again, better and bigger. So this pinch of pain is worth it. I promise.
Your Ugly Self Will Come to Light
Maybe you grew a lot as a person being single. You are kind, caring, and selfless… and then you get married and you see how much you still need to work on 🙂
This is the most wonderful secret of being a newlywed – you’re becoming the best version of yourself and the worst one, too. Suddenly all the bad habits and selfish behaviors are being exposed – how can they not, you are sharing a life with the other person.
The same will happen to your fresh husband – suddenly the pink bubble of a Disney-like love story will burst and you will see his imperfections.
And let’s be honest about it -THIS IS NORMAL. It by no means implies you’ve made a mistake or that you are not “compatible”. Please, being compatible has nothing to do with it. You are not electronic devices to have or not to have compatibility.
You are human beings. And being newlyweds gives you a special opportunity to work on yourselves as individuals and as a couple. So instead of breaking down and crying yourself to sleep thinking how bad of a person you are/he is, see these exposures as the fields to grow.
And oh how much better it will become in a few months if you put on this attitude!
It Takes Time to Learn Making Love
We are being fed lies about sex from the youngest age. Movies and media portray it as something easy, always fun and effortless. Well, the truth is, it takes time to learn how to do it so it is fun for both of you.
Even the Bible suggests that a man take A YEAR off after he gets married to tend to his wife. 😉
So yes, things might be messy and even scary at the beginning. Yet, don’t get discouraged or by no means assume you are not “sexually compatible”. Such a thing does not exist.
Because statistically, the majority of couples do not have the same desires and ideas in bed. And it’s okay! It is about giving and taking, not expecting the partner to want exactly the same things in lovemaking. That would be incredibly boring!
You will learn a lot about your body and your husband’s body, and hey, it will take time. It is a learning process so prepare to take a lot of notes during the period of being newlyweds.
Step by step you will get there, and just because it does not work well at first, does not mean it cannot get amazing with a little bit of effort. Let’s stop taking great sex life for granted. Just like with having a happy marriage – you reap what you sow!
First Year is The Hardest
It is true – the first year is the most emotional and still has some butterflies to it, but at the same time, it is the hardest. You are getting to know each other in a completely new way.
There will be disagreement and tears, but just hold on. These things need to happen because after you go through this stage, it will be way easier.
I wrote a whole article about surviving the first year of marriage, so if you want to get some specific advice on how to make it all easier, check it out.
I’ll tell you a secret – the future looks bright. Even if there are dark moments, marriage is worth it all. This love and devotion I have with Alex now was built through hard times, tears, and the foundation we’ve created while being the newlyweds.
And I know you can build a successful, very romantic, and satisfying marriage too. All it takes is to work on it from the very beginning.