Why Is It Better To Be a Homemaker Than a Boss Lady?

Hey, I’m so happy you’ve found this article. It probably means two things – you are (or you are about to be) a biblical wife, and you are trying to figure out the biblical role of a woman. That makes two of us 🙂

Now, the things I’m about to share are a combination of my digging in the Bible, asking wiser women (and men, too!) around me, and observing Christian families wherever I went.

The fruits of this searching journey might surprise you, but I can promise you one thing. There is a big chance you will leave with a Godly peace about the biblical role of a woman once you’re done reading or… you will get angry.

It all depends on the attitude of your heart. But somehow through this unique connection between a writer and a reader, I can sense that your heart is just fine, my dear.

So shall we dive into the topic?

Biblical Role of a Woman

Well, you know these passages. We all know them, yet I see an interesting tendency. You see, I cannot count how many times a woman furrows her eyebrows while reading the first chapters of Genesis, especially Genesis 2:18: Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

The message is clear. A woman was created to help her husband – in any sense of this word possible.

“Well, I understand it differently” – I often hear. But I can’t stop wondering, and maybe you wonder that too, my sweet reader, is there anything to be interpreted differently in this passage?

The word that presses some buttons is probably the helper. Why would God create a concept of a biblical wife just to help men, huh? (Try to imagine that the word “men” was pronounced by an angry feminist, pressing her lips together and shaking with anger).

Before anyone gets offended, let’s look at the biblical duties of a wife from a different perspective. You see, God created us, women, to help the men, true. But it also means men need us.

They need our care, our kind spirits, our gentle hands, our love. They cannot survive without us. We are needed.

Now, does it still sound so bad? 😉

Biblical Wife a Helper? But to Help With WHAT?

So God creates a woman out of man’s flesh. They are similar enough, yet still so different… Genesis does not tell us much about the duties of a biblical wife, does it?

All we know is that Adam and Eve were walking around naked, eating a bunch of fruits, and tending to their mini zoo.

We can find more hints in Proverbs and the passage that every woman is bombarded with so much that it became a thing to be “Provers 31 woman”. So what does this passage tell us about the duties of a biblical wife?

Every verse in this chapter is stuffed with value and advice, starting from the beginning: Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. (Proverbs 31:11-12).

Again, the husband needs his wife, he trusts her and she is blessing him. And that’s the moment that sets all the feminists on fire. WHY DO I NEED TO HELP HIM? (sorry for Capslock, just trying to imitate angry feminist’s energy) WHY SHOULD HE BE SUPERIOR TO ME?! I WILL NOT LIVE FOR MEN!

I think this anger is not really about God’s perfect design for the biblical role of a woman, it is about the crooked version of it that our society presents.

Sourdough and Laundry…?

What I’ve noticed in today’s culture is the concept of making a sourdough as a wife. (PS. Tried a few times, but failed each time massively). Yes, it is really a skill and let’s be honest, such dough is simply healthy, and I DO admire every lady that can make it, but…

You see what happened? The biblical role of a woman became flattened to baking and doing laundry.

Tell me you had that too before you got married… you cooked something nice together with your mum and the uncle with a big beer stomach commented “Wow, you are a good wife material”.

But nobody ever ever said that thing when I showed respect to my father. When I supported my brother in a hard time. When I humbly agreed to help my grandpa in the garden even when all I wanted to do was to play with my dolls.

Cooking is lovely and needed, but it comes out from the attitude of heart that people seem to forget all the time. And then, when you burn the toast three times in a row, you feel like an awful housewife.

Burnt Toast Vs Burnt Heart

Do you see the paradox of today’s culture? If a wife is cooking for her husband, she is a slave. If a husband cooks for his wife, he is… hard-working, romantic, and sexy.

Similarly, if a wife submits to her husband (as she should according to the Bible), she is a slave. If a husband submits to his wife (which is completely against God’s designs) then people joke around “Oh, we see who DOESN’T wear pants in this house”. In Polish we even call such a man “a loafer”. Which means he lives under the command of a feminine figure who takes over masculine energy.

What if for once we quiet down the society and listen to God’s voice? If He tells me I can relax and let Alex, my husband, lead, I’ll do it with pleasure. When He assures me that helping my husband is the role of a biblical wife, I’ll put my sleeves up and help. If He promises being a homemaker is honorable, I’ll bow down to Him and accept this title and the responsibilities coming out of it.

So that’s why I quit my corporate job – to tend to home more, to write for God, to help Alex with his business (he is amazing at making Christ-centered wall designs, make sure to check out his website Heavenly Wall Designs). Do I work less? (loud laugh) Nope! I work more. But I work in areas God created me for – homemaking, writing, and creating fashion (another fruit of me “not doing anything” – a colorful store, Marysia’s Colorful Closet!). Even though I make way less money, I feel way more feminine.

Because if God says He is the Provider and after that, the man should provide for his family, I can let go and focus on my role. Now it feels like I’m doing what I was created to do. I’m not reading someone else’s script and trying to push them out of the stage. I’m still in the spotlight.

And yes, if making a home means cooking for the family, I would do so joyfully. I might burn some toast, but I would much rather have that than let my heart get burnt with the wrong ideas of me being a boss and the head of the family. I’m not. I’m not the head.

I’m a crown.

Now, let me introduce Skye, my lovely neighbor, who quit feminist ideas and became the crown of her family as well. And it seems she is pretty content with that decision 😉

The New Perspective (Skye’s Story)

Dear reader,

I’ve lived 27 years on this earth and 22 of them I spent convinced I was gonna be a lonely cat lady. That mindset put me at ease, knowing I wouldn’t have to carry the burden of finding someone, after all, most of my life I was fed “be a strong independent woman.” Truth is: I was exhausted and wanted a happily ever after, a handsome prince to fall deeply in love with, like in all the Disney movies I grew up on. I was conflicted.  My mom always said my life could change in a day, and it did. 

I met my now-husband back in 2020 (before the pandemic). He immediately pursued me in an organic and humble way. A “very” long story short… 6 months after long-distance dating- we got married. We had a honeymoon child, roughly 1.5 years into it & I was coping with being a newlywed and mother. 

One may think ‘That’s too much newness’.. but my whole life I was used to newness. During my childhood, I moved 12 times around America & China. Newness and readjusting wasn’t the issue. It was selflessness I had to learn. Being an only child, the world revolved around me. So, putting my needs second was new. This wasn’t a dreadful thing. It turned out to be a beautiful thing. 

My husband gave me a softness (that my Latin side often rejects). He put me at ease and at peace with the little things; feeling protected when I go outside, having the ability to stay at home with our son, and feeling secure and confident that I no longer have to try to impress the opposite sex. 

My son had given me such purpose to use my motherly instincts, to grow and heal from my childhood, to seek & ask questions I normally wouldn’t. 

There’s a lot of de-programming of the “icks” society has put on motherhood and being a wife. There is joy in the “mundane” of watching my son grow into a sweet boy and growing with my husband as my personal encourager. 

At the end of the day, what a joy it is to walk in my God-given gift.

This is an encouragement to all my strong-willed ladies out there, “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” Proverbs‬ ‭16‬:‭9‬ ‭

Much love,

Skye

How Feminism is Lying to You

I will get burnt on the internet just like these toasts I was talking about. I won’t get roasted, I’ll get TOASTED. 😉

But man, it’s the time to finally speak the truth loudly. So you know, I did some digging. Research, to be more professional. And I’ve found out so many interesting facts. Because what we are told – that feminism sets us free to work, to be equal to men, and to vote.

It’s a lie. First of all, the work stuff. God created women to work – to work on homemaking, hospitality, creating an emotionally supportive community, serving other women, raising future generations… (the list goes further, but if I was to write every aspect of being a Godly woman and a biblical wife, this article would turn into a book).

Like, look at the first passage about the biblical wife that comes to mind. Yup, Proverbs 31. The woman there IS working. And before the feminist movement… women were working as well. And I don’t mean working “only” at home. They were authors, nurses, teachers, lawyers, scenographers, restaurant keepers… such responsible jobs! And it is so much more fulfilling than clicking at Excel tables 😉 (check out “Anti-Suffrage Essays, Massachusetts Women” and “Occult Feminism: the Secret History of Women’s Liberation” by Rachel Wilson).

Feminism did not happen because women could not work. It happened because they wanted more power and to be just like men. And now because of that one has to struggle to live on one paycheck. They say “You have a choice to work or not”. When in practice, when you decide not to work, you are in financial trouble, and you are being shamed. (HOW CAN YOU BE DEPENDENT ON A MAN?). I want to be able to raise my children. Not give them to the hands of the government because I need to go to 9-5.

SO YOU DON’T WANT TO GIVE ANYTHING TO SOCIETY? YOU JUST WANT TO CHANGE DIAPERS THE WHOLE DAY? Well. So you’re saying that raising another generation of society that you say a homemaker does not give anything to, building a home, and a healthy family – which is, by the way, the foundation of EVERY society – providing emotional availability and support to my husband and children, taking care of them, adding up to a budget by using my talents, which are way different than talents of men, creating a secure and safe environment, helping my man grow as a leader and a worker, again, in this “society” that you say I’m useless for if I decide not to find a “normal job”… Please. Why would I trade such an important role to… go out and do what? I m p a c t society with freaking Excel? No, thanks.

BUT YOU CAN VOTE BECAUSE OF US! Okay, thank you… I guess? I mean, don’t get me wrong, it feels nice to be able to choose how I want the country I live in to look like. But ha, I’m not the one that’s going fight for it and die if I have to. Men do. We have different duties as women, and men have their own.

So I think that we have “political power” but we do not have “political responsibility”.

So as you can guess I’m far from being a feminist. So is my other friend, Lauren, explaining to us in a beautifully written essay the role of a biblical wife AND the role of a biblical husband.

Two-Ways Submission – Lauren’s Story

For many women, including myself, the “role of a wife according to Scripture” can be a fraught topic, tangled up in the frayed threads of cultural and societal narratives as well as the reality of unhealed wounds from our own stories. My journey toward understanding is far from complete, and I’m a far cry from where I was at the beginning of my marriage (ten, short years ago). In fact, the last time I put pen to this topic was when I wrote my marriage vows. Yet, as I raise my own children and seek healing for my heart, I realize more and more how essential it is that we not treat this subject with passivity.

Conversations about marriage inevitably end up in Ephesians 5 at some point. It’s a rich passage that, in my raw and unhealed state, reads like a recipe for abuse at best and domestic violence at worst.

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” –Ephesians 5:22-24

My experience has caused me to read this passage as: Husband = Master. My mind’s eye creates a cave-man meme with a hunched and hairy male in a loin-cloth grunting “I man. You woman. You, me obey.” 

I’ve seen the phrase “head of the house” used to essentially assert that “all things are by the man and for the man.” Decisions and actions within marriage and family were ordered around the man and his preferences; differing opinions, desires, and even independent personhood were emotionally dangerous. 

Many female believers in my acquaintance believed that their role was to exist for their husbands, to be fully absorbed in fulfilling the husbands’ desires, supporting the husbands’ achievements and goals (to the exclusion of their own), and to never have strong opinions (or at least learn to swallow them expertly). 

Because of the myriad of misinterpretations and partial readings of this passage that I’ve seen and personally experienced, I have found that the journey toward understanding my role as a married woman had to begin with a study on the role of the husband and what true “Headship” in the home looked like according to Scripture.

As a fledgling newlywed, I remember speaking to my husband about how overwhelmed I felt when trying to puzzle out my role in our marriage. He, only somewhat jokingly, said “My job is harder than your job.” “What?” I exclaimed, with incredulity. 

“My job is to die for you.”

If you take the time to read further in Ephesians chapter 5 than just the “wives, submit” bit, he’s actually not wrong! 

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ did the church, because we are members of his body. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” –Ephesians 5:25-33

There is a LOT here, including the beautiful truth that God created marriage as a picture of the way Christ loves His bride, the church. But my word-limit here is non-exhaustive, so let’s stick with marriage roles for the moment. 

A husband is exhorted to “love his wife as Christ loved the church” – giving himself up for her. He’s to love her as his own body, nourishing her and cherishing her, becoming one with her and holding fast to her, loving her as he loves himself.

At this point in the proceedings, I find that I’m not called to submit to or to respect a bully or a self-absorbed, self-appointed master. If my husband is relying on the Spirit of God to enable him to fulfill his role as husband and head, he’s striving on a daily basis to put himself last, not first; to lay down his life, not lord his authority over me; to nourish and cherish – caring for my body and soul, and to lead us, his wife and children, in the Way that leads to eternal Life because Christ Himself is his Example and Guide, not his pride or his very human urge to reign supreme over his own, small kingdom.

When my husband is submitting to Christ, submitting to him is no longer a dangerous or vulnerable position. I am safe and I am loved (in word and action). My calling as wife and mother is lived out in security because I am cherished and because, as my husband is in everything submitting to Christ, so also am I. 

In this safety, I can begin to discern my role. It is my role to submit to my husband as to the Lord and to respect him. 

Submission is not the same as obedience. I could obey my husband all day long (and may have attempted this once or twice) and still harbor resistance and defiance in my heart, on my face, and in all of my mannerisms.

Submission is as much (and perhaps even more so) an attitude of heart than an outward action. Imagine a husband trying to fulfill his role in the relationship with a resistant, defiant, and subversive partner? This is not a peaceful home, a reflection of God’s good design for a family, or a happy marriage. Here, both spousal roles become impossible.

Submission is trust; it’s trust in my husband’s submission to Christ, his protection and good intentions for our home, and trust in his spiritual leadership; it’s also enjoyment and appreciation of his selflessness, nourishment, and love in all its spirit-lead outworkings.

Respect isn’t permissiveness. It’s not giving my husband absolute permission to be a jerk and setting no boundaries with him in our relationship. So, how does one respect one’s husband? It might be less muddy to think about how you’d show respect to a dear friend. You’d treat them with dignity and value their views, relating to them with integrity and honesty; you’d keep their confidences and give them love and kindness without strings. You’d also forgive offenses quickly and not keep a list of the times they hurt you (check out Corinthians for a detailed description of what love looks like – it’s not a far cry from respect)! 

When viewed through the lens of our sinfulness and bent toward selfishness, neither the role of wife nor husband could ever be labeled “easy.” The marriage relationship was established with intentionality by the Creator at the very beginning because He saw that it was good. He imbued it with purpose. Like any good thing in this fallen world, the enemy loves to twist it and abuse us through it and drag it through the mud, obscuring its beauty, but I hope I’ve helped to convince you that it’s a topic that is worth engaging in with grace and bravery. I bless you in the name of Jesus as you journey forward.

If you want to learn more about the Jones family and their mission, check out their Facebook page or website.

Go Ahead, Toast Me

I was holding this article in my heart for a long time. It’s just the first one of the longer series I want to write for my blog since the role of a biblical wife is way more complex than what I’ve managed to write in this post. The series is devoted to Christian womanhood and homemaking. Because my dear ladies, I intend to get Phd from it one day.

And oh, I’m so grateful to my friends – Skye and Lauren – who graciously agreed to help me write this article. Without them, it wouldn’t be the same.

I do respect all of you, women. So even if you’d rather stick to feminism’s ideas after all, the choice is entirely yours. I just think it’s not fair to take away this choice from us, Christian women. We love God and we love our husbands and how content we are submitting and being helpers. Being crowns of our families.

Now since this post is out, I know it can frustrate many of you. The comments section is open to you. You can toast me there. But I can catch the flames knowing that I shared something that God has told me to share with you.

Let the fire begin.

But If You Want More…

Every week on Thursday, I share fresh posts about Christian marriage and dating to help you grow as a disciple, spouse, or date. I’d love for you to be a part of this journey. If you’d like to stay connected and receive exclusive updates, new articles, and discounts, sign up for the newsletter! You’ll get a special email every two weeks, plus be part of a supportive community.

Aside from the free resources I offer, I’ve created some digital products to go even deeper into these topics. My latest is an ebook on purity before marriage, giving you many practical tips (ones that I’ve tried and tested myself!) with a biblical perspective on dating.

By investing in this ebook, you’ll not only equip yourself with valuable wisdom but also support the work I do here, so I can keep creating content for you. Whether for yourself or for a friend who needs it, this ebook is a powerful tool to help navigate dating Jesus’ style.

Ready to grab your ebook? Get it here:

Thank you for reading up till this point, you are quite a resilient reader! 😉

I hope I’ll “see” you in the next article. Lots of love and prayers!