Dating your spouse – for sure you’ve heard that phrase before but maybe never gave it much thought. In fact, it does not make much sense, does it? To date somebody that you already are married to?
I thought so too till I saw something revolutionary. I’ve met several married couples and I’ve noticed two categories among them. First – believing that pursuing ends with marriage. And the second one – thinking that it just started with marriage.
Do you see the difference, dear reader? If you do not, no worries, at the end of this article you will know exactly what it means to keep on dating your spouse and how to do it right. Because life-lasting love and passion DO exist. And actually, it’s way easier than it seems to get them.
So let me invite you to a train with a few crucial stations that we will stop on. At the end of the ride, you will be fully equipped to transform your marriage.
Tu-tu, the train is about to start so better take a seat!
The Ride Has Just Started
Just like now, you metaphorically jumped into a train of love when you got married. Ok, it sounds a little bit cringy, but you get the meaning. You have your very own compartment for two in the train and you can do two things. Sit comfortably and hope that you will have a nice journey or put some effort into making it the most pleasurable for you both.
Some people wrongly think, sometimes not even realizing, that great marriage just happens and crazy, passionate love is there, or it isn’t. You know what, since we’re already sitting here together, let me be fully honest with you.
Such thinking gets on my nerves! Love is not easy, it does not happen “like that”. Falling in love is, true. But then it’s just how much work you put in. You reap what you sow.
When people see me and my husband, so crazy in love, they often say “You’re so lucky!”. Excuse me, lucky? If you saw us in our first year, having dramas, crying, and looking like the least compatible passengers ever, you would not use the word “lucky” at all.
All that we have, we owe to God and our constant work on our marriage. So if you sat there with excuses that your marriage is hard, that your partner is this or that, and that there’s no way you are going to start dating your spouse… Then sorry, but this “lucky love and passion” are out of reach for you.
Either you work on your marriage and you’re happy, and you don’t and you’re unhappy. Easy math.
The First Station – Dating Your Spouse At Home
Surprise, surprise, we arrived at the first station. If you didn’t get out by now, it means you do want to put some effort into your marriage. I’m proud of you!
Now, you might be a little bit confused since the word “dating” is usually associated with going out, for example to a restaurant. Sure, we’ll get there, but first, let’s start from a place that is your marriage’s nest – home.
I’m not talking about Netflix and Chill here. I’m talking about intentionally spending time with your spouse at home.
We tend to get busy and skip such important things as welcoming each other home. Giving each other undivided attention for at least 15 minutes daily. Showing each other small gestures of affection. These small and seemingly meaningless elements add up to a happy marriage.
So before you start dating your spouse outside of home, make sure you pursue them there. Taking each other for granted is one of the biggest mistakes in the relationships I observe. Imagine how younger you would be thrilled to live with your crush! So enjoy every minute of it and make your spouse feel special at home.
After all, it’s the place where you both spend the most time. Make it magical.
Ready for a small challenge? Every day, for a week, do 3 small things that can romanticize your married life at home. Passionately kiss your spouse when they come home, put the phones away for a few minutes, and talk to each other, maybe even do a pillow fight. Dating your spouse should start behind your house’s door.
And then, and only then, go out of them.
The Second Station – Regular Dates
Let’s be real, things get less romantic when you are surrounded by dirty diapers, laundry, and pots that do not cook on their own. The good news is, once in a while you can separate yourself from daily struggles and simply go out.
And you should do it regularly. Because as much as quality time spent at home is needed, going out is simply the continuation of the dating stage. You make memories together, change the environment, add excitement…
And oh, it simply gives you space for each other. You do not need to cook if you go out to eat, all chores are left at home and you can entirely focus on each other and your marriage.
I just want to roll my eyes when I see some men claiming they do not need to pursue their wives because they already married them. What a bu… bubble. What a fake, idiotic bubble.
If somebody is romantic, putting in an effort, and then puff, after the wedding is over, everything disappears, it means it was just an act. And then these men are surprised that their wives are complaining about everything. Imagine jumping into the water that was steamy hot just to find out it’s cold the next minute. Wouldn’t that make you mad?
I would say – date your spouse or someone else will. Not to threaten or scare you, but sooner or later neglected person’s heart will stop belonging to you.
And ladies, I know it is sometimes hard. Especially when your man plays a macho for whom a disgrace would be to ask his wife out. If this is your problem, you might exit the train and walk to the nearby article about husbands who won’t date their wives.
Regular, intentional dates are crucial to keep the sparks in your marriage. I would say, once a week would be perfect, but every second week should do too. And don’t worry, it does not need to cost you a lot. Taking a walk is free, for example 🙂
The Third Station – The Great Finale of a Date
You know where a good date with your spouse should end? In the bedroom.
Quality talk, fun, and focusing on each other – yes, these are also important. But if you want lots of romance, investing in intimacy is a must.
Since it’s such a complex sphere of marriage, I invite you to a whole different train called Intimacy.
The thing about sex in marriage is, the more you have it, the more you want it. And believe me, it can improve every other sphere of your relationship if you intentionally work on intimacy.
Just like dating your spouse, amazing sex does not happen on its own. Again, it requires some effort, but it is so much worth it!
What I recommend you do is plan typically “sexy dates” which will not only allow you two to talk in peace, but also that will let your bodies talk 😉
If neglected, intimacy will turn into distance and coldness. And this will lead to a disaster.
If I still didn’t convince, you, here are 5 potential effects of a sexless marriage.
You are responsible for your marriage, for every sphere of it. Remember it.
Time for a Transfer
Uh, there we go! You got to know the three most important stations of dating your spouse. And using these tips can significantly improve your marriage.
So now it’s time to shift from theory to practice!
It does not require a long time. You will see the difference after only a week of practicing what you’ve learned.
And even if your spouse is not so interested in investing in your marriage, I want to encourage you to keep on trying. One person can change a lot. I mean, you are 50% of this relationship so if you change your attitude and behavior, then it will impact the whole team! 😉
Dating your spouse should last a lifetime and remain a fascinating journey for you both.
This is my wish, and my prayer, for you.
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