Your Husband Never Plans Dates? Here’s What You Can Do

Dates are crucial in any romantic relationship – whether it’s just courting or being married. And maybe your beloved one used to take you on dates. But now things are different. Your husband never plans dates and you would SO like him to?

This happens in so many couples and it is so sad – when a husband stops pursuing his wife. You want to feel loved and cherished, but you do not see him making the minimum effort. I get you – this is tough!

I’ve known (and still know) some husbands who just do not do that – they do not plan dates with their wives. Like, never.

I’ve discovered the most common reasons for that and what can be done about it.

So let me help you.

What ARE Dates?

Before we start analyzing reasons and solutions for when your husband never plans dates, it is important to understand what dating means to you.

Do you expect classic romance, with a fancy supper and red flowers? Or a simple movie night will do? And maybe you do not care about this romantic vibe, but would you like him to spend time with you intentionally?

During Covid so called dates at home became popular. Watching a movie together with a pack of chips or trying to have an awkward conversation with a cup of coffee.

Sounds fun, of course. Unless you do that only, then it might stop feeling like a date – it becomes a routine.

Dates At Home

Many men after they get married wrongly assume that since they’re spending 24/7 with their wives, they do not need to spend MORE time with them.

Usually, the sad truth is that after getting married we spend less time with our spouse than we used to while courting. Job, chores, and other issues come in the way and we find ourselves being roommates rather than lovers.

That’s why dates are so important to keep the spark in the relationship and not take each other for granted.

Dates at home can be a good start. Cooking a fancy meal together, dancing in the living room, or playing a board game – yes, I agree, these are dates. BUT.

If your husband never plans dates intentionally, even the ones at home, and you end up watching a movie every time… I mean, Netflix and Chill are always fun, but every couple needs some bonding and more quality time once in a while.

In case you would like to add some colors to your home dates, check out the date night cookbook, cards with deep questions (I bet some of them will surprise you), or the painting kit for two if you want to get creative.

I would say that the proper date is the one that somebody puts effort into preparing. It sometimes includes a plan. And you’re saying your husband never plans dates? These might be possible reasons for this:

Reasons Why Your Husband Never Plans Dates

Everyone is different, yet some attitudes or qualities appear more often than others in men.

The reasons can be one and clear or it can be a pile of a few different ones.

But no matter what is your specific situation, I am here to help you. So, here are a few men’s qualities and thinking that can block them from planning dates with you.

Your Husband Never Plans Dates Because He Is Not a Romantic Fella

Many men see organizing dates as something too romantic to be done by a true man. They focus on being excellent providers, and fixing things in the house, but they do not see a need to invite you out.

Such men think they’re expressing their love clearly by doing all that a man should do and they would see planning a date as showing weakness.

They much rather order a burger and eat it with you while watching Netflix than eat out with you, squeeze their muscles into a suit, and then look like a fancy penguin.

Such a man will think that dates were needed to get you, but now he can show you you’re important by being a provider.

If this is the case with your husband, try these solutions:

1. Appreciate His Masculinity

If you mentioned to him that you would like some more quality time with him and asked why your husband never plans dates, he might have taken it wrong.

Probably he did not understand what on earth you expect him to do and why he would do something weak.

Do not get discouraged! We need a different approach here, sister. Instead of nagging about how not romantic he is, appreciate things that he does – hard work, taking care of the yard, protecting you, etc.

Instead of “You never take me on dates!”, try something like “Wow, you worked hard and got a pay raise. Maybe you want to celebrate and grab a burger somewhere?”.

It is important to meet halfway. If he hates fancy places, maybe you could agree to fast food restaurants for a while. You should express your wants but also respect his comfort zone.

2. Give Him a Challenge

Men love a good challenge once in a while. Also, many of them can be competitive. Remember when you mentioned your friend’s husband and how quickly he mowed the yard? Didn’t it make your hubby a little bit jealous? Probably his competitive spirit was awakened. Who knows, maybe he angrily mowed the grass the very next day 🙂

I do not encourage you to manipulate or use unfair psychology techniques. But simply making your husband aware that other husbands plan amazing dates for their wives can push him to try himself.

“Frederico took Carmena to this expensive restaurant… I bet you could do better than him” – small friendly competition and also a compliment – this can work miracles.

The key is for him to plan one date. Then he will see how much it means to you and it will be like a domino.

Your Husband Never Plans Dates Because He Feels You Don’t Even Like Him

Sadly, I’ve met this one more often than I would like to. Your husband fails in his role – whether he does not perform well financially, or he does not help you enough at home. Or your husband never plans dates.

You get frustrated (and you have every right to) and start showing him that you are disappointed. And from this, it is easy to stop respecting your husband.

I know, he might not “deserve” your respect now. But if you are showing him contempt, you roll your eyes, ignore him, or express your frustration at every step, then such a man can shut down his romantic feelings towards you very quickly.

1. Act Out the Respect

I know what you’re thinking. He is failing, why do you need to change your attitude? Well, it’s simple. If you show again that you respect and like him, no matter what, he will start meaning up to deserve it.

And his feelings will burn for you again. And from there – maybe with a little verbal help – he will plan a date for you two!

You can start simply by biting your tongue before you say something unkind. Or shower him with compliments and gratitude – if he’ll see he makes you happy (look, even if he is not doing it right now, he certainly was in the past – I mean, you’ve married him!), he will be secure in you and he will want to show you some love.

Sounds like hard work, but believe me, once he catches it – it will be worth it.

2. Put Some Effort

He might be thinking you do not care about him. And you think the same about him so you are in a crazy circle.

Yes, it does not feel nice to be the one who always initiates a date or quality time together, yet maybe at this point, he needs a little encouragement.

For example, do things that he loves. Play soccer or video games with him, cook him his favorite meal or order his lovely burger (burgers are certainly appearing in this article too often haha), or give him a love-making night of his dreams. For one day think like a man and do whatever he would like.

Make him fall in love with you again. I guarantee you, he will want to pursue you again – maybe not instantly, but after a few gestures like this for sure.

Your Husband Never Pland Dates Because He Does Not Know You Want It

Things that seem obvious to us women are not that obvious to men.

If you want him to date you, but your husband never plans dates, there is a possibility he does not know you want it so much.

I hear you’re saying: “He should think a little bit though!” and I agree with you. Yet, if you gently give him a hint about your desires, it will be much easier for him to figure it out.

We usually expect different things from a relationship and honest vulnerability about your needs and wants might be the first step to meeting at least halfway.

1. Express Your Wants

Something as simple as “I would appreciate it if we went to the movies once in a while” can at least let him know about your dreams.

He might want to organize something, but a simple lack of ideas is stopping him. Or maybe there were a few attempts that you were not happy about and he completely withdrew thinking he could not organise a date that would be good enough.

Clear, wide communication starting with “I” is the best tool you can use. Do not say “You never take me on dates!”, say “I feel neglected if we do not go out for a month”.

Be specific. Tell him what you want – romantic flowers and dessert in a coffee place, a quality walk, an afternoon in a theme park… I know, it might take the whole surprise factor away.

But once he knows and practices, he might surprise you in the future. Just make it easier for him now 😉

2. Create a Jar with Date Ideas

If he sees a date as an evening with a good movie and tasty burgers… Oh no, burgers again! I need to do something before Google thinks this article is about burgers. Okay go back, go back…. a good movie and tasty nuggets. Better? Better. I prefer chicken to pork too.

Back to the topic! 🙂 If your view of a date is different from his, initiate making a jar or a box where each of you can write your ideas for a date on the pieces of paper. Set a time, a specific time of the week (it can be bi-weekly or even monthly, yet as a happy married woman still madly in love with my husband I recommend weekly).

Then take a piece of paper and do what it says. Without judging the other person. This will help you both understand each other and spend time in various fun ways. Isn’t it called a date indeed? 😉

Your Husband Never Plans Dates Because He Does Not Care

This is an extreme. I do believe many of the husbands are good men and probably one of the reasons presented above is the issue, yet still, some men sadly do not care about their wives.

They do not love them, I could say – at least not actively.

I cannot imagine what it feels like to be married to a person who does not care about you. If it is you, my dear, I am giving you a big hug. Must not be easy.

So, how do you deal with it? Well, this might be tough to solve once and for all, yet I believe these two things can help:

1. Work on Your Self-Growth

Uhm, excuse me, Marysia? I have an issue with my husband, not with myself.

I know, I know. But look. He lost the feelings. He does not care anymore – he is like a stone.

You need something to break through. You can punch the stone and it will not be moved. But if you use the fire, it might start melting.

Become a thriving woman. Get a hobby. Work out. Eat well. Read the Bible. Read good books. Take a course. Keep. On. Working. On. Yourself.

You will simply become more attractive. As soon as you shift some of your focus from making your husband love you better to making yourself a better person, he might start thinking that he should not take you for granted.

What I’m saying is – make him fall in love with you again.

2. Get a Counsel or Talk to a Friend

You do not need to go as a couple to therapy – I doubt your husband would be up for it. I can be wrong.

But speaking it out to somebody experienced or simply full of empathy can help you clear out the emotions.

I am probably in the minority here, yet I would recommend that the therapist or a friend (in some cases a friend is enough if a simple talk is what you need) should not be the opposite sex.

The reason is simple – all these negative feelings towards your marriage will pile up and you will start opening up emotionally – if you do it to another man then you might emotionally betray your husband.

Yes, I know, nothing bad RATHER wouldn’t happen. But how can you know this for sure? Plus, as long as I respect male therapists, nobody will understand a woman as another woman. 🙂

Resources that can Help You Have More Dates:

These are my top 5 things that I either tried with my husband and loved or did something similar and… also loved.

1. Cards with 52 lovely date ideas and conversation starters – just pull a card and go for it.
2. Date Night Dices – effortless, but so exciting each time you roll the dice.
3. Date Night Cookbook – is there something better than cooking together? Well, yes, cooking and eating together 🙂
4. Painting set for two – omg I love this one – you can go back together to kindergarten times and have fun with colors. We did it with my husband – his painting looked like a second Da Vinci, mine…. like 5 year old made it. 😀
5. Date Night Ideas Capsules – we’ve made our own one, but purchasing a ready one is way easier and more exciting since it is a surprise.

See? Maybe your husband wants to plan dates, but he just needs a little encouragement or inspiration. The list above will help you out.

Your Husband Never Plans Dates, but Maybe He Plans Other Things

Too often we focus on what our loved ones don’t do – he does not help me enough, does not fix the things that should be fixed, does not do this and that and that and that.

But hey – I am sure your husband does so much good! Maybe he plans the finances very well. Perhaps he plans the vacation each summer. Or maybe he plans 124 things at once that can supposedly make your life better.

Yes, we want them to plan dates regularly and pursue us, but sometimes this does not happen. And maybe all our husbands need is a little bit of appreciation… and a good burger! 🙂