This question is bothering every Christian who is serious about God and their marriage. So as I see, dear reader, you also have been asking yourself what is off limits in a Christian marriage. As far as this question can be understood widely, I kinda know what you mean 😉
In today’s article, we will talk about taboo subjects. But don’t worry, I will not try to embarrass you or shame you, we will do it differently, okay? We will virtually sit down in this article, have a cup of tea, grab some dessert, and talk like a friend to a friend.
See, that’s the magic of this blog – you can ask the most terrifying questions and receive the answers. And even if you blush, nobody will see it. And believe me, you will leave this article and our virtual tea knowing way more about what is off limits in a Christian marriage.
And it will give you tools to improve your marriage, make it more pure, and probably get more satisfied with your bedroom life. Doesn’t it sound amazing? Oh my, how I love writing these articles for you!
Okay, enough of an introduction, grab a tea, and let’s start to wrap our heads around this itchy question: What is off limits in a Christian marriage?
The Questions Without Answers About Sex
Wow, it’s been only a few paragraphs and I already used the “s” word. But why on earth do we get embarrassed by this word itself? Isn’t that funny how something that God created since the very beginning (Genesis!) and so intensely recommended enjoying later on (Song of Songs!) can make us blush so much?
You know why it is like that? Because the devil crooked sex into something dirty, sinful, and far from God’s design. The only place where it is still happening how it should be is inside the marriage. But hey, it’s not that you get married and whatever you do is okay in bed. That’s why we’re here, discussing what is off limits in a Christian marriage.
What does the Bible tell us? A lot about sexual sins outside of marriage (lustful thoughts towards other people, homosexual actions, prostitution, etc.) but it does not specify what’s ok and what isn’t in the marriage bed. I’ll be direct for a while, okay? I know these questions have been in your mind too, so there is no shame to finally ask them aloud. On aloud on paper, at least.
Is anal sex sinful? Is it wrong if my wife does not have orgasms? Can we do roleplaying? Is oral sex a sin? Should we even use anticonception? _________________________________ (fill in the blank with your questions)
There are so many questions we were not told the answers to! All that the church leaders ever dared to share was “Just get married”. But then what? Figure it out alone. *sipping the tea, annoyed*. I wanted the answers, so I’ve found them. In the Bible, through prayer and my observations.
And today I’ll share with you the fruits of my research. No matter how many blush-causing words I need to write.
So let’s get specific, shall we?
What Is Off Limits in a Christian Marriage?
I wrote an article uncovering 4 major sexual sins in marriage nobody talks about, so if you haven’t read it yet, I suggest you start with it as a warm-up.
Now, the Bible may not use words such as “oral” (sorry, does it also remind you of a brand of toothpaste? Oral – 9 out of 10 dentists recommend. Sorry, I had to:D). BUT the Bible is specific about some things when it comes to sex in marriage. It actually tells us what is off limits in a Christian marriage.
The way we’re going to do that is this – I sip my tea, you ask a question that bothers you. Then you sip your tea and I answer, supporting my response with the Bible. Sounds good? Perfect.
So, what would you like to ask about first?
Aha, I knew it. You want to start with the most embarrassing one, sure. No problem, here goes the toothpaste:
Is Oral Sex a Sin in a Christian Marriage?
Some people would panic and scream: “Yes! It’s as sinful as it gets!”. You ask them why and there are two answers.
- “God did not create mouth to do… this. He created other body parts for this purpose”.
- “It’s disgusting”.
As far as answer number one seems to come from the right attitude of heart, the second one does not. Just because some sexual behavior is not according to your liking, does not automatically make it a sin. But is the first answer correct? Well. It’s not.
First of all, we can also use the same argument and say that God did not create lips to kiss, but to eat. Yet the Bible mentions kisses all the time – romantic ones, friendly ones, holy ones… Just because the primary purpose of a body part is not in the bedroom, but in the kitchen, it does not mean one cannot get creative and add more purposes to it 😉 See how smartly I’ve answered your question.
There is not a single place in the Bible forbidding you to give pleasure to your spouse in a way that feels good to you two. Oral sex might have sinful associations, but as long as you do it with your spouse, with mutual agreement, you’re not sinning. You’re just obeying Song of Songs 😉
Song of Songs 5:1 Eat, friends, and drink; drink your fill of love.
So is oral sex a sin in a Christian marriage? Nope.
Relieved? Good, give me the next question.
Is Roleplaying a Sin in a Christian Marriage?
Ha, interesting one. The same group that finds oral sex disgusting would also panickly say that it is a sin.
Well, let’s check what the Bible says.
Hebrews 13:4 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.
So no adultery, it’s easy. But didn’t Jesus say that whoever looks at another woman with lust committed adultery with her…? This would imply that roleplaying is a sin since it requires you two to pretend to be other people. But does it? Let me be super straight (like I wasn’t already in this article ;)). If your husband pretends to be… I don’t know what’s a popular fantasy. Vampire? (I mean, lots of women like Twilight). So, let it be, if your husband pretends a vampire, but it is still his body and his character that you desire at the moment, it’s fine. As soon as you start imagining somebody else, it’s a sin. And if your husband bites your neck and kills you, that would be a sin too (sorry, I had to… again. But admit it, it’s easier to talk about these things with my jokes here and there :D).
Anyway, I hope this line is clear. God forbids, clearly, to add other people into your marriage bedroom, no matter in which form. But if you stay yourself, just playing and wearing different clothes, I’d say, nothing sinful in that one 🙂
See? The Bible actually tells us exactly what is off limits in a Christian marriage. If we look for the answers, we’ll find them.
Ready for the next one?
Is Sexting With Your Spouse Okay?
Yes, it is. Next!
What do you mean, you need an explanation? Does sexting with your spouse bring in another person into your marriage? No, it doesn’t. Does the Bible anywhere mention “You shall not practice sexting with your wife/husband or you shall end up in the eternal fire”? Nah, chill out. It’s fine.
I would even say – it’s recommended, especially in the times when you are separated. It keeps the passion. And that’s what Song of Songs recommends.
Is Anal Sex Sinful?
Ah, you’re not shy anymore, asking straightforwardly. That’s good – no taboos in this article!
So is anal sex sinful? Well.
This time I have to agree with the people who would say it is. Let me tell you what I’ve found in the Bible.
First of all, we all remember Sodom and Gomor and the things that happened there. I would need to quote the whole passage, but if you need a little bit reminder of this scary and sinful story, head on to Genesis 19. But whatever happened was considered dirty and bad.
Yet, before I fully answer the question – is anal sex a sin, I want to ask you three questions first. Is it loving, meant to show love towards your spouse or is it just a selfish desire? (1 Cor 16:14 Do everything in love)
Is it bringing God glory, showing His purity in your bedroom? (1 Cor 6:20 Therefore honor God with your bodies).
Does it bring good to your spouse’s body or does it bring them pain/discomfort/harm? (1 Cor 7:3-4 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife).
This is individual, but I certainly would answer “No” to all the questions. If you also answered the same to at least one of them, it gives us the final answer to “Is anal sex sinful” – yes, it is.
So What Is Off Limits in a Christian Marriage?
So far, so good, we talked about so many “taboo” things and it wasn’t that bad, was it?
As we figured out, it is not okay to bring another person into the marriage bedroom – physically it was obvious, but now we know that any fantasy or thought about a person who is not your spouse is a sin.
Then we discovered that sexting and oral sex are absolutely fine in marriage so is roleplaying focus on only you two.
And what is off limits in a Christian marriage – anal sex.
Oh look, I’ve drunk all the tea. You still have some questions?
No worries, I have a whole section about intimacy in marriage that you can check out. And if by any chance you have a question that I neither answered in this article nor in any other of them, make sure to leave a comment – seriously, don’t be shy. It’s honorable that you want to know more about God-glorifying sex.
If you want to stick around with me, your new virtual-tea-bestie, make sure to sign up for my newsletter! This way we can stay in touch.
Lots of love and prayers!