I know, I know. Communicating with your spouse can get HARD. But no worries, today I’ll share with you 5 simple and easy ways for you to have better communication in marriage.
Most people are not aware of them but today the secret will be revealed to you. It will take just a few days to notice the difference in your marriage!
We started using these techniques early on and let me tell you, every year we communicate better and better. Dramas and constant misunderstandings are in the past!
Today, you can have it too.
Why Is Communication In Marriage SO Important?
I think you know the answer to this question. Communicating is a key to a successful marriage because you pretty much need to talk to each other every day.
You discuss finances, and major decisions like what car to buy or what to watch on Netflix, share your feelings and struggles, and simply build a life together.
So if communication in marriage sucks, everything else sucks as well.
And maybe you’ve been going deeper and deeper into hopeless places where you do not know how to talk peacefully or maybe you lost hope that it can get better.
Since you’ve arrived at this article, you already made the first step towards improvement. You WANT TO change something.
So I won’t keep you much longer and share the first way to achieve better communication in marriage.
1st Secret to Better Communication in Marriage – Use “I” Statements
Let’s be honest – the worst thing you can hear from your spouse starts with “You never…” or “You always…”. This is usually a lie because even if you’ve made a mistake it’s not like you ALWAYS come home late or NEVER remember about the anniversary.
And it hurts to be accused like that, doesn’t it?
Sadly married couples do it often (or should I say “They ALWAYS do this!”? ;)). Make a drama and add one of these two forbidden words that make a spouse defensive.
But if next time you are tempted to use always or never stop for a split second and reverse the sentence, just see what can happen.
You always come home late -> I feel disrespected when you come home late.
You never remember about anniversaries -> I feel neglected when we do not celebrate our special day.
It adds so much kindness and gentleness. And let’s be honest, confession like that does not turn anger on but rather softens the heart of your spouse.
Try it next time!
2nd Secret – Slow to Speak, Quick to Listen
Sure, two sides should be able to freely express emotions and thoughts during an argument or a discussion which has the potential to become more tense.
Sadly, many people (including me) show a tendency not to listen to the other person fully. They want to get the frustration out and be understood, but they forget the other person wants the very same thing…
So what’s the solution? I would say, take turns. You can for example use a magic pen – whoever holds it, can freely talk without being interrupted. And the other person listens. Then you switch.
The other tip is paraphrasing what the other person is saying to fully understand their point of view. PS. You don’t need to agree with them! But full comprehension of what they think and showing respect towards it already changes a lot.
So for example you can use templates such as “So you’re saying that…”, “Do I understand correctly that you…”.
The deeper you go into your spouse’s true intentions, the more you realize it is easy to have a civilized conversation without screaming and throwing knives 🙂
3rd Secret that Sabotages Better Communication in Marriage – NOT Sharing
Just think about it. You want better communication in your marriage. So you avoid conflicts. You disagree with some decisions your spouse makes, you don’t like certain behaviors and some actions just truly hurt you. Yet for the sake of better communication in marriage, you stay silent.
…and things pile up till one day it all explodes. And your poor spouse did not have a clue they were doing something wrong!
You know what they say – Sharing is caring. And it indeed is!
If instead of hiding your emotions and frustrations talk about them early on, then think how many more dramas you could avoid.
I know that bringing it out takes some courage, but after you step out of your comfort zone once, it simply gets easier.
4th Secret – May Dramas Not Take Away Your Love
It is so easy to say harmful words when we argue. And suddenly we do not feel close to our spouse anymore. We’re hurt and suffering, we want them to stay far.
But let me tell you a tip that can create better communication in marriage and bring the sparks back.
Even if you did not manage to solve the issue or you solved it, but it was a hard and painful talk, make sure to emphasize that you still love each other.
For example, a one-minute hug and words of affirmation are like honey for the wounds. Wait, do you put honey on the wounds? I must have mixed the idioms… Being a non-native English speaker is not easy 🙂
So anyway, cuddling, maybe playing a game together is a good idea after hard emotions. You ease the tension and strengthen your bond that way.
Because no matter how crazy the drama was, you are still a team. Better communication in marriage is also about how you behave outside of discussions and arguments.
5th Secret – Bring It All to God
Your spouse is not able to fulfill all your emotional needs and wants. And it is not even fair to expect them to.
Just like you are not able to fulfill all of their needs as well. You can try your best, but still, there will be times when you fail. And they fail. Or you fail together. And that’s normal.
Because there is a Person who never fails and is there for you. The thing that makes better communication in marriage is a relationship with God. The closer you become to God, the closer you are to your spouse.
So bringing all the worries and frustration about communication in your marriage to Him brings relief and hope. Because you do not have to do it all alone, you know?
He can give you peace and help you build better communication in marriage step by step. I know what I’m saying as a dethroned Drama Queen 😉 With the grace of my God and the love of my husband, I become less and less dramatic every year. (and probably also because I watch Gossip Girl, so I get my decent doze of drama there).
So the most important tip for better communication in marriage is to give it to God.
Your 30 Days Plan to Better Communication in Marriage
I want to challenge you. For the next 30 days actively focus on improving communication in your marriage. Use the tips above and see how your marriage is transforming.
Even if you improve this sphere by 1% every day, it’s already something. You do the math yourself – after some days the change will become visible.
And don’t worry if your spouse does not want to join you. They will grow to that too. But for now, you can change a lot if you only want to.
I’ve been working on better communication in marriage with my spouse and even if we fail sometimes and dramas still happen, I can tell you that there is a huge progress that I see every time we argue. We are good students I think! 🙂
But it’s only because we have the most fantastic Teacher. He always leads the way.
Which of the secrets to better communication in marriage seems the most useful to you?
Want some more tips? Check how to strengthen teamwork in your marriage.