Today’s article will be different than the others – I will not advise you, or give you tips, but simply tell you a story. Of course, I do hope it will also inspire and encourage you. Maybe you are here because you are wondering if the man you are dating is the one. I’m here to help you find the answer in this situation.
Agreeing to marry somebody is a big deal. It’s a lifetime decision. That’s why it should never be taken lightly.
At the same time, God can be very clear and loud in such situations, not leaving much space for confusion. That’s how it was with us – so let me take you back in time to the day I met Alex.
First Meeting
Not surprisingly, we met in the church. It was a very predictable place to meet a Godly man, I would say. We talked for a minute or two, and of course, I’ve noticed he is extremely handsome, but that’s it. There weren’t any butterflies whatsoever.
So, the first lesson from the story is – if it does not click immediately, it does not mean he is not “the one”. Sometimes it simply takes time.
I need to mention one thing – when I first met Alex, I was still breaking up and getting together with my boyfriend. I was an emotional wreck, disappointed that the love I was dreaming of apparently did not exist. I was praying and asking God “Really? That’s how it will be? Shouldn’t it feel differently?”. Turned out this relationship was not God’s gift, but a lesson to be learned – it was a result of me not trusting Him and trying to find romance on my own.
During this time I had a dream once – I was in a wedding dress, moving towards the altar, and there was a man standing, with his back turned to me. I did not recognize him from behind, but his height, posture, and figure were for sure not reminding me of my boyfriend. God was telling me he has a different direction for me, and it gave me hope, that maybe, just maybe, I will get happily married to a man who loves God.
Yet, I still did not trust fully. I was still being tangled in this toxic relationship after all.
Looking back I am grateful for this period in my life – it made me a better Christian, and taught me what love is not. Anyway, let’s move forward in the story – I’m sure you’re waiting for the romantic parts of it 😉
The Dream… Again
God was persistent. On one of these desperate nights when I was crying my eyes out, I had a vivid dream again. The same one I had a few months ago. I did not understand. Why? Why again? Is it my mind playing with me, or is God really trying to speak to me?
I went out that day, but I don’t remember why anymore. But I was going to a metro station. There was a crowd, but right before my eyes, I witnessed something remarkable. I saw the back of a man. My mind gave me a flashback from last night’s dream – his posture looked exactly the same. No way.
Since I am a very emotional person, I got super excited. I thought he would propose to me right there, and we will live happily ever after.
Did not happen. We talked for a while, I was trying not to look like I just dreamt about us getting married. And then, oh then… he asked me out. And then added “…with me and my friends”. Ha. Already friendzoned. Great.
I was mad, confused and so lost. I went to meet with him and his friends – we were hiking. It seemed like every guy but Alex wanted to talk to me.
Fine, I thought. Maybe it means my dream was a lie.
Spoiler: It wasn’t 🙂
A… Date?
Our first date was an accident. I mean, not really, but it certainly looked like one.
I saw there was a free harp concert in a cozy cafe happening, so I wrote on the group chat for students in Budapest if somebody wanted to go with me.
It was a late notice, and even though I’ve met many friends, the only person who answered was Alex. Since the invitation clearly implied that I would be happy to go with a group, not only one person, I figured all right, let’s do this.
So I arrived, and so did Alex. We started talking. And what a great talk it was! I didn’t feel so good in ages. We must have really looked like we were having fun – Alex’s friend was supposed to join the harp concert, but he was late (btw, he was meeting with a girl who became his wife a month after me and Alex got married :). He saw us through the window and seeing Alex “as happy and talkative as never”, he decided not to interrupt us.
We had so much fun we did not want this – date, turned out that that’s what it is – to end, so after the concert we were wandering around the streets of Budapest till we found a cute romantic place with pancakes where we decided to eat.
I came home super late, and never felt so safe being walked home. I always felt insecure around men – ah, insecure is a bad world. Not safe, unsettled, and sometimes very scared. With a few exceptions of course (like my friends or my grandpa). But with Alex, I felt… peace.
Everything was great. Except for one tiny detail… my (ex) boyfriend.
The Confrontation
I knew in order to be fair I needed to tell Alex what he was packing himself into. I knew I was still in a dating mess and he deserved to hear it all before, well, who knows, pursuing a relationship with me. I didn’t even know if he wanted to – I just merely hoped he felt the same way I did after the concert.
I’ve decided to spill it all – I’ve told him what stupid things I did, what traumatic events happened, that I’m still somehow trapped in a “relationship” etc. Everything except “God spoke to me in a dream and He let me know He wants me to get married, probably to you”. That would be kind of too much at that moment.
I expected Alex to turn away and say something like “Well, in this case, it would be better if we stopped talking”. He did not say that. You know what he did instead? Prayed for me. This little Mr Perfect prayed for me!
That gave me another wave of pleasant emotions. I felt forgiven, understood, and… at peace. In my life full of drama I did not realise how not-peaceful it all was. Now, when I confessed it all and this guy apparently was still willing to fight for me, it reminded me of Jesus so much. He died for us when we were still sinners.
So did I really just find a guy who would be willing to die for me at my worst…?
Let the Romance Begin
It was around my Birthday – I was about to leave Budapest and go back to Poland. It was Alex’s last chance to speak his feelings out – assuming he had any towards me.
He invited me to his apartment, so I went. He got me a beautiful Birthday/Christmas gift (I was born 7 days before Christmas Eve :)) and also… a letter! Oh my, oh my, oh my! There it comes – he wrote that he cannot live without me, and if I only agree to…
I’ve read it from the top to the bottom. No feelings. No romance. Just stuff like “I’m so happy I met you, excited to see where God leads you”. The tears started falling down my cheeks. It was because I felt like God lied to me. I felt that I imagined things, and none of them were true.
And then… Alex started his speech. Everything that I expected to find in the letter came to me in the spoken form. At the same time, it was an open invitation to “pursue” a relationship. He did not want to pack himself straight into a romantic relationship, he wanted to become my friend first. That really, for the third time in a row, gave me peace.
And that’s how I started writing letters to Alex. At first short ones, when we were talking about faith, childhoods, and favorite flavors of ice cream. Slowly they became love letters, full of passion and romance. I got to know Alex’s heart on a deep level and I madly fell in love with it.
I cut contact with my ex-boyfriend completely. Turned out I should have done it a long time ago. Did I know Alex was “the one” then? Yes and no. There was one particular moment that made me absolutely sure.
The Moment I Realized
I came to Budapest with my sister. We had a blast sightseeing and eating rice with melted chocolate (seriously, try it if you never have). One evening Alex asked my sister if he could borrow me for an hour. Marta graciously agreed (probably the fact that Alex bought her a black baloon – her favorite color -contributed to that ;)).
Alex took me to a cute little gazebo. He gave me 10 Milkas, a rose, and a letter that said “Will you make me the happiest man on earth and become my girlfriend?”. I said yes, of course. And then he said:
“I would like us to make some rules. First, I don’t want to play around, we will date to get married. And I don’t want us to kiss on the lips before that happens”.
This exact moment I knew I… know. I knew, not only felt, that this man would lead me closer to God, growth, and pure joy. This is what I was looking for for so long.
Because sometimes we are not sure what we’re looking for – until we find it.