A sexless marriage happens when you simply do not have sex for waaaay too long. It is a truly long-term devastation for your marriage – sexless can easily turn into loveless.
I know, I know. Sometimes you are not in the mood to make love for various reasons. Other times you’re just so busy you do not find time and space for intimacy. But there are also moments where something big happens, like a financial crisis, an argument, emotional coldness… it can be anything. And there, just like that, you stop sleeping with each other.
Sexless marriage, let’s be honest, is devastating. There are many reasons for it:
1. Friend-zoned
Now, my dear reader, tell me honestly what attracted you to the other person in the first place? There is nothing wrong in admitting that before you got to know them, you were drawn by their APPEARANCE. You just so loved the way they looked, and after you discovered they are just as beautiful inside as outside… you married them!
And then, oh my, you started exploring a magical world of intimacy. You couldn’t get enough of your spouse, they were simply too tempting to you.
You wanted this person and desired them. So, getting married finally opened the door to freely express it. And then puff – it stops, you are not being intimate anymore. The two of you could kiss each other passionately, and give each other pleasure but instead, there is a painful void. You are going back in a sense, being only friends, not lovers. You can be friend-zoned in a marriage, too!
And this is a dangerous state, believe me. If you are not fulfilling your desires with your spouse, sooner or later you will get tempted to do it someplace else. The devil will find a crack and try to squeeze through it. Withdrawing sex is just wrong – even the Bible says that.
Do not fall into the trap of sexless marriage – be not only friends but also lovers. Do not waste a wonderful gift of intimacy that God has blessed you with.
2. Emotional devastation for a man (and a woman as well!)
Sometimes we women, do not even realize how deeply we can hurt our man by resisting or even not initiating sex. You can read a wide description of these effects in this article.
I can also tell you the opposite – what happens to your man when you have sex (not only from his initiative!) regularly. First of all, he is more fulfilled in his marriage with you. It makes him feel the same way he would make you feel by bringing bouquets or your favorite chocolates home… every day!
More often than we think also women suffer from lack of sex in marriage. But this is whole another topic that I’ve made sure to cover deeply here.
It is wrong and harmful on so many different levels. You and your spouse both are responsible for keeping your intimate life active and fun. It does not come naturally and requires some work.
It can devastate your self-esteem and your partner’s feelings. Withdrawing sex from each other for a long time is nothing else than rejecting the other person. Communicating to them you are not desiring them anymore. To lose the position of a lover is truly painful. Do not let this happen.
Sexless marriage will make you even further from each other than you already are. Even if it requires some work and solving some issues between you two (emotional, physical, and so on, it really depends), it is so worth it to invest in this sphere of life. Otherwise… the future of your relationship is not going to be bright at all.
3. Dangerous temptation
Let’s go into a food metaphor. Because who doesn’t like food metaphors? Imagine, that you, my lady, are the Michelin star tart. Your husband’s favorite and only available dish – but it is more than enough! It is so good; your husband does not crave anything else.
Unless… here comes the bad part. Unless this beautiful dessert is not available for him. Suddenly, casual McDonald’s cupcake becomes tempting. He can fight with all of his strength not to crave them, but he would not even need to fight if he had his Michelin star tart. You are the most amazing dessert ever – don’t just sit behind the glass like in some kind of sugar museum. Let him admire you not just by staring 😉
We are only humans and naively thinking we will never be tempted to look at somebody else than our spouse or do worse things, we are mistaken. It is the most natural thing – temptation. But, the truth is, the more exciting our bedroom life is in marriage, the less we are being tempted sexually outside of it. Seriously!
Why do we play with the devil and let him expose us to more temptations? Because this is exactly what sexless marriage does. So, dear reader, protect your purity and your marriage. Guard your hearts and instead of defending yourself when the enemy attacks, attack him first!
4. Lower self-esteem
Yes, honey, yours, not your husband’s! If you do not really care for him to see you as a sex bomb, not only do you not put on cute lingerie once in a while, but you wear sweats at home all the time. I mean, sweats are great from time to time. But remember how at the beginning you were putting on your best dresses and even high heels for this man? You wanted him to want you! You still do, right? Then show him, and show yourself that “I am beautiful and I wear clothes that scream that I am confident in that”.
We often feel embarrassed to admit that, but we also need sex. Or rather, sexual attention on us. Your husband is the only person that can rightfully give it to you. Do not reject it and take it for granted!
You need to put some effort there not to end up in a sexless marriage. If you want to be desired – desire your husband! It is just about giving as it is about taking.
5. Less fun
Your bedroom is like a playground for you and your husband. Playing there improves the mood and adds up to communication in marriage. I mean, you literally connect. 😉 If you do not play there, you become more serious and stiffer in your marriage – he is tensed, because he does not feel good enough for you to desire him, and you feel guilty.
I know, I know – it was fun, but then things A, B, and C happened and it stopped being fun. Or it was never fun for you, but you were not able to talk about it with your husband. If that’s the case, make sure to check my advice on what to do when you do not enjoy having sex with your husband.
But believe me, God created sex not only for us to multiply, but also for us to have fun. It bonds you two and brings you closer. I know, it’s hard to make love when every other sphere of your marriage is a mess. But what if I told you that investing in intimacy CAN fix all the other spheres of your marriage? I mean, try it and see what happens 😉
What to Do When You Are in a Sexless Marriage
As you see, it is devastating for you, your husband, and your marriage to live in a sexless situation for too long. I hope I convinced you at least to be willing to do something about it. If you do, just know I’m so proud of you! This means you are mature and grown enough to fix an issue. And I am here to help you. If you want to find out how to make your sexless marriage a sexfull one, read this article.
Which of the consequences seems the most dangerous for you? Share in a comment and let’s discuss! 🙂
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