If you are looking for husband characteristics that will determine who is husband material and who isn’t, you’re in the right place 🙂
Finding the right man is a challenge, especially nowadays. Don’t get me wrong, there are still good men out there! But you have to admit, the task has become way harder than it was 100 years ago. Why is that so? Well, let me tell you what I think and if you agree, just nod to the screen 🙂
Hook Ups and Other Fishy Words
As a non-English speaker, after I first heard the word “hook up” I authentically thought it had something to do with fishing. I mean, a hook is a hook, right? 😉
How surprised – no, SHOCKED! – I was when I found out what it means. Why would somebody do that? Replace so poetic and lovely phrase “making love” that makes us all feel this romantic vibe with something such… weird?
Anyhow, I did not want to talk about the new era of English, but the new era of culture. Nowadays marriage is not as valued as it used to be, similar to gentlemaness (I am perfectly aware I’ve just made up this word, but if somebody can call sex hooking up, I can just as well call good manners gentlemaness :)).
Women become more independent and men become… less manly. The roles are mixed up and there is a mess – how to find a man with husband characteristics who is worthy of your attention? Who is a spouse material and who isn’t?
To help you, I’ve created a list of husband characteristics that are huge green flags:
First of Husband Characteristics: Gentle
Huh, you are surprised that I’ve started with a quality that does not seem that manly, does it? Believe me, the gentleman is showing out one of the most important husband qualities.
And by no means do I mean a soft man – Nah, not at all. I mean the man of a gentle spirit, who can control his emotions, a man whose gentleness will not allow him to ever use his physical strength in a bad way. You want a man who is not quick to argue, but quick to forgive.
That makes sense that gentleman comes from the word “gentle” – a man who treats women with respect and honor is the one you’re looking for.
Another One of Husband Characteristics Is Reliable
Ah, the man who you can rely on – there is nothing better in this world. Okay, maybe good Italian pizza can compete. Just kidding! (Ps. Nothing can compete with pizza).
The husband characteristics you’re looking for should be based on deep values. His moral compass needs to be in a great position and if his values are stable, then the ups and downs of marriage will not shake them.
For example, if a man has a value that you are his only woman in life, and he does not need any other (either physically or virtually), then he’ll stick to it no matter if your bed life is flourishing or you’re rather in a colder stage.
If he is more like a wind, thinking “I do how I feel”, then ah, not much hope in him.
Crucial of Husband Characteristics: Providing
I hate that people misjudge some women, calling them gold diggers. There are gold diggers among women for sure (just like among men! I mean, the dowries were something that some men were chasing more than love!).
Yet, it is not fair to call this any woman who values providing spirit in a man. It is not the money that we are looking for! We are looking for one of the most manly husband characteristics – being a provider.
It is the natural will and ability to provide for the family that we want. There are different situations and you might be poor for a while or in need to work too much, but if a man is smart and has this provider’s wire, he will do his best to take care of you.
The mindset and the attitude are the husband characteristics you should look for. Anything opposite like laziness, not caring about the finances, or neglecting the job are red flags.
Committed
The man who can commit and stick to his decision is like gold. And I am not talking about big decisions only.
The small promises that he makes should be kept. If he is just throwing words in the air and he never commits to anything, well, how can such a man commit to starting a family with you?
The man who gets involved and sticks to his word – ah, that’s the husband material! He is showing one of the crucial husband characteristics.
If this man of whom you’re thinking while reading this article decided to pursue you and he is doing it being committed, that’s a good sign. If by any chance he is also pursuing (or even half-pursuing!) other women, I would not say he is exclusively committed.
I know, dating or courting is not marriage yet. But hey, choosing a person to marry should not be like going through the catalogue in IKEA.
Pure
I love this one. And probably, in the era of too bold billboards and porn accessible so easily, it is a rare quality.
Yet, you should not settle for less. And I am not talking about the past – if a man used to watch porn or look here and there with lust, but he’s left it behind, then it is entirely different. Change of heart happened and he will move one step closer to purity every day.
You should look for a man who will be ready to be faithful to you. And I mean, like 100% faithful! Virtual women do count as cheating, don’t they?
Do you know this meme when the guy is turning away to look at another woman? Yes, exactly, we want to avoid that. You’re looking for a man who will always choose you and only you.
Strong
Huh, first gentle, now strong? How does it even connect?
Oh, it connects perfectly! I mean, just look at Jesus – gentle and kind, yet protecting the right values sternly.
Also, a man with husband characteristics does not need to be physically strong (although that’s always an advantage! Otherwise, who will open the jars for you? ;)). Yet, it is good if he is willing to protect you with all he has.
It is also important to find a mentally strong man – who can carry the burdens of life, support you, and sacrifice for the sake of family.
Self-improving
This is a crucial quality. A man who constantly wants to grow and improve is the manliest ever. I mean it.
Think about it – even if he has some flaws, but is actively working on fixing them, then hey, it means he can see that he can be better.
A proud man with the attitude “Ah, I’m such a perfect man!” will always stay in the same place. And it is not healthy.
The man who can admit “I am sorry” and work on the thing he’s messed up with determination is fantastic. Even better if he can say “I was wrong” – if you found such a rare species, take it! 😉
Also, in the worst-case scenario, if at some point you will need a marriage therapist (and there is no shame in it, it happens to the best couples), he will not be accusing you and saying “Me? I’m not the one who needs to change”. A good man will take responsibility and will be willing to fix the cracks together with you.
Dependent And Independent
Now that might seem confusing. As long as gentle and strong are not opposite, dependent and independent certainly are!
But no worries, I will explain it as clearly as I can (yay, finally the opportunity to test out my teacher’s diploma ;)).
The man with husband characteristics is independent enough to provide for himself so that later on he can provide for his family. He is also independent from his first family (loving them still, but not being under their full influence, I mean) so he can start a new one, potentially with you.
Yet, the man with husband characteristics is ready to be dependent on YOU. Huh? Marysia, what can you mean?
We always say that women are dependent on men, financially and when it comes to protection (although feminists’ era is changing it, but still). Yet, we forget that men are dependent on us too!
They depend on our love and help in the household, depend on us sexually (you are the only one who can fulfill your husband’s sexual desires as his wife), and depend on our loving and nurturing spirit.
A man and a woman create a union in which they both need each other. Change my mind.
The Man of God’s Heart
Yup, in the list above I pretty much described my husband 🙂 I mean, just look at him. Not only a good, loving husband but how good looking!
You might roll your eyes and say “You are lucky Marysia, not everybody can find such a man”. That’s true. Not everybody can.
Only those who know what they’re looking for, find it. It was not just the first man that I’ve met at the corner whom I chose for my husband. It was the man whose values and heart I’ve examined enough to be sure he is the one.
Men like that exist, still, despite these crazy times, and sometimes the art is simply knowing the husband characteristics you should look for. Sometimes it also takes the right place – sure, you maybe can find a high-value man in a bar, but the chances of meeting one are significantly higher in places like a church or simply a coffee place.
My husband goes to coffee places, that’s how I know good men go there too 🙂 Up to go for a coffee later?
Who NOT TO Look For – Anti Husband Characteristics
I’ve written an article about red flags in a man so go here if you’re interested in that topic too.
But let me tell you quickly what are qualities you do not want to look for if you’re looking for a husband.
Hooking up type
Well, let’s be honest, the man that sleeps around is gonna bring all of this sexual burden to the relationship. Believe me, you do not want to deal with that!
Unless, of course, the man that you are interested in, left his sexual past behind and is ready for exclusivity. Still, and maybe it is not a popular opinion, but if I were you, I would wait at least a year. If his change is sincere, he will be able to prove it during this time.
If it is fake and he is pretending just to get you, well… you will have time to see the truth. And even if a year seems like a long time, time is your benefit here. Healing from all these fishing practices can take some time for a man to be ready to give his heart, body, and especially eyes only and exclusively to you.
NOT One of the Husband Characteristics: Careless And Immature
This is so common that men stay boys for way too long. And as long as this innocent and fun boyish energy can seem attractive…
Hun, you need a man, not a boy! Boyfriend material is not necessarily husband material, right? If a man (*clearing throat*) boy is suspiciously losing job after job, being late, neglecting his chores, or showing a lack of emotional maturity, then he is not ready to think about marriage.
That’s true, marriage teaches us how to be more responsible and we grow together in that sphere, yet it is not healthy to start this growth with one person being at level 0.
And I need to mention – it has nothing to do with age! I know many men in their 20s that have enough maturity to show some of husband characteristics, yet I know men (*clearing throat, again*) boys in their 40s that still behave like children.
In a sense of responsibility, of course. Obsessing over dinosaurs or toy cars is still okay, at any age 😉
Like a Wind
Men who do not know what they want certainly do not show husband characteristics. One day they talk about having kids and a white goat in the yard with you, the next one they’re not even texting you back.
The man you are looking for should be decided and focused. He should be ready to build a family with you, no matter the age. And believe me, finding a mature, sweet man and getting married young is such a blessing.
It is okay to still wonder and experiment with let’s say career paths and hobbies, but the man who changes his mind every second is not worth your time. He might not be sure what car he wants to buy after saving up some money, but he should be sure if he wants to marry you or not.
Weak Like a Jellyfish
Ha, this might be controversial. But I honestly think that a mentally weak man is not ready to start a family. I mean, how is he supposed to take responsibility for a family, when he is not strong-minded? How will he wake up every day to go to work to make money for the family if his mind will not be determined enough? How will he love you when things get hard (and for sure they will)?
He can grow and build a strong character, but if he does not have stable values and is easy to be convinced to do something bad or simply stupid – then I would think twice.
I do not know what it precisely means to be strong, but for sure I do not mean physical strength. Although, some muscles are never a harm in a man 😉
I just mean the strong mind and brave heart that will be ready to protect you, the wife. The values that will guard your home. The leadership that makes us, women, melt.
FOR SURE not one of the husband characteristics: Couch Potato
A man who can do nothing the whole day is not a good husband material. Okay, it is healthy to do nothing once in a while, but being lazy is just… being lazy.
A lazy man will not be a good provider, nor a good lover. I mean it – do you imagine a lazy guy making some effort to prepare a romantic dinner for you? Or fixing the broken sink? Yup, me neither.
A man who is currently not able to provide is something else. Man who does not WANT to, is worse, way worse. Lack of will is entirely his fault, what we cannot say about the lack of opportunity.
You become who you spend time with so as long as you don’t want to become potato French fry, then better find a hard-working man.
Your Part
You know what kind of man to look for and which one better avoid. Yet, in the end, I want to tell you something challenging.
If you are not becoming a woman of high value, then the great men might not even notice you. I’m serious. It is good to have high standards, yet you need to become the person that you want to be. Become the price to be won. And if you are an Oscar, you will find your movie star one day.
Books, podcasts, being mentored by other women – there is no wrong tool to use here. Simply, if you want a man that cares about more than only your body, become modest. If you want a man that treats you with respect, become kind. If you want a man of God’s heart – become a woman of God’s heart.
Still, it requires some work, but I see you are a wise woman and you are growing every single day. So I simply want to encourage you:
Work on yourself, learn, and become the right person. And then, just like a magnet, you will attract the right men. The Prince Charming on a white horse is waiting for you out there. The Oscar gala is near.
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