Among love languages words of affirmation are the most complex one. It is simply because different people need different words. But today I will teach you how to affirm anybody, especially your spouse.
Words do have power and we can lift somebody up with them or… push them down. Operating them the right way takes some time and practice, but the results stay with you for a lifetime.
As a writer, I’ve seen what a weapon words make. So grab it right now and let’s go for a little practice, shall we?
Love Languages Words of Affirmation – What Is It About?
The most limited explanation is that a person who among love languages words of affirmation cherished the most, likes to be complimented. But there is so much more to that.
Such a person feels the most loved when accepted, appreciated, and affirmed. So many A-s! Well, that makes sense, because when you can make a person feel exactly the same as when they get an A on a hard exam, you’re operating with words well.
Love languages words of affirmation are also about encouraging people. You want to make them feel this soft cushion of support and belief.
So in other words, if you want to show your spouse love through words of affirmation, express that you love who they are and what they do with words as often as you can.
But there are a few elements that will make it clear for you. First of them:
Intonation/ Interpunction
Ha, did you just raise your eyebrows? Why is she starting from such little details, you must be thinking.
Well, these little details can ruin or save the best compliment.
The thing is, in the concept of love languages words of affirmation the tone of your voice matters just as much as the words themselves.
So for example, if you’re saying Good job with a plain voice and expressionless, do not be surprised if your spouse will not feel like they did a good job at all.
On the opposite, if you say it loudly with amazement in your voice and you will look at them with awe, then yup, intonation supports the message.
When it comes to the written form of words which we will talk more about later, interpunction matters too. If you want to write your spouse an encouraging message, which one would you choose?
- Well done…
- Well done.
- Well done!
See, the first one is just weird and these three dots make it look pretentional. While the second one is okay, it might seem dry and expressionless. And the third one shows some emotions behind it. And that’s what we’re aiming at.
The Context
You don’t want to walk around and randomly compliment your spouse. For example, you won’t tell them how lovely they cook when you are eating McDonald’s together…
When your spouse did something well, please don’t wait and compliment them straight away.
What for those who among love languages words of affirmation cherish the most is public affirmation. So when you’re talking about your spouse in a public setting, make sure to compliment them like that too.
They will sense that your love does not end behind the closed doors of your house, but you are willing to appreciate them in front of others as well.
The Vocabulary Selection
Believe it or not, there are countless ways to affirm your spouse with words. So instead of always saying the same taught compliment, get a little creative.
For example, your spouse looks lovely. You can tell them they look good. But good is such a basic word and as long as it can still be affirming, there are stronger options.
Stunning. Awesome. Breathtaking. Perfect.
Of course, you don’t want to use words that you would normally not use like ever, but still, selecting more powerful and stronger words can be beneficial. Your spouse will feel loved and cherished, I can promise you that.
Be Specific
The last and the most important thing about operating love languages words of affirmation is being specific. Affirm concrete things about your spouse’s behavior or appearance.
Sure, you can compliment them generally, but once in a while-specific affirmation can make miracles.
For example, when you think they are beautiful, tell them what exactly is beautiful about them – eyes, figure, kindness?
When they nailed the dinner, tell them exactly why you liked it so much.
Give them more than one sentence and see their love tank filling in front of your eyes.
Love Languages Words of Affirmation – Common Mistakes
Since words are so powerful it is easy to hurt somebody instead of show them love. And I’m not talking about obvious techniques like sarcasm, silence treatment, or nagging.
Sadly you can hurt somebody without intending to do so with your words.
One of many common mistakes when it comes to love languages words of affirmation are fake compliments. If you don’t mean it, just don’t say it. But there are more common mistakes too:
Love Languages Words of Affirmation, Common Mistakes – “Reversed Compliments”
On the other extreme, we have reversed compliments. Now, let me explain that to you with an example.
Pippina put on a beautiful dress and she did her makeup. Het husband, noticing that, said “Oh, for whom are you so overdressed?”. Will Pippina feel flattered? No, she will feel guilty for putting an effort to look great for her husband.
If you are too proud to compliment somebody, at least bite your tongue and do not use reversed compliments.
Love Languages Words of Affirmation, Common Mistakes – Public Humiliation
The worst thing you can do to somebody who cherishes words of affirmation is to criticize them publicly. no matter if they deserve it or not, leave that kind of comment in private.
You want to have your spouse’s back always and appreciate them publicly, not turn against them.
Also, a public setting is not a place for mean jokes or sarcasm. It might be funny but repeated a few times can become painful to your spouse.
Letters and Poems
These two are not so popular anymore, and it’s sad because they are a great example of words of affirmation. You can cherish somebody in a written form that lasts way longer than the spoken words.
You might not be a writer or a poet, but honest words of love, no matter how clumsy, will always be appreciated.
So leaving sticky notes or any other form of writing can bring back sparks to your marriage. Just try it and see.
Summary
Love languages words of affirmation are a lovely concept. You can truly appreciate somebody if you pay attention to the steps I’ve mentioned above.
Words can be like a bandage for somebody’s wound, like a feather added to their wings, or… a knife. So use them carefully, but do not be shy with positive words.
You cannot overdoze with affirming those who you love.
Love Languages Words of Affirmation – Vocabulary
In the end, I’m leaving you with some templates for perfect compliments. It might seem hard at the beginning, but hey, you know what they say – fake it until you make it 🙂
- I admire your… (finish the sentence with qualities you admire about the person).
- It means the world to me that you…
- I’m grateful that you…
- It always amazes me about you that…
- It’s so unbelievable that you…
- My three favorite things about you are…
- I’m in awe of your…
- You’re incredibly…
- You motivate me to…
- The biggest gift that I have in you is…
This basic list can start a new habit in you. Good luck!
If you want to learn about other love languages check the article about quality time, physical touch, gift giving, or acts of service.