What does a man need? That was the question that popped into my mind when I fell in love with Alex who is now my husband. When we started dating (did not last long since we got married a few months after that!), I started wondering what I should do to be a good wife for him when we got married.
I wanted to be able to fulfill all of his needs, whatever they might be. I was desperate to learn, understand, and put the knowledge into action.
And guess what? I’ve found out some crucial things so you do not need to learn the hard way 😉
So, if you are wondering what are the needs of your husband, let me present you with the ultimate guide to making a man happy.
PS. It’s not as complicated as it seems!
The Needs of Your Husband
We all have needs. Physical, emotional, and social. And hey, dear reader, tell me something. Am I the only one thinking there is a lack of balance in society nowadays? Like, everybody is so eager to talk about women and their needs. We need to be able to choose between being a mother and having a career, we need to be cherished and appreciated, need to receive flowers regularly, etc.,
But if somebody starts saying that men, for example, need respect, then there is a big commotion and comments such as “AH! Men DO NOT deserve that!”.
Interesting, isn’t it? In this feminist era, men are being pushed down. Well, we, Christian women, will not allow that.
You’ve arrived at the right place – an article analyzing the top needs of your husband and the ways for you to fulfill them. Because in marriage you are for each other, and no matter what feminists say, it is honorable and good to be willing to serve your husband.
Needs Vs Wants
Yes, we can argue about where a want stops and starts a need and vice versa. I might not be fully correct in this thinking, but for me, if nothing bad happens after something is not received – it’s a want. If there are negative consequences after something is lacking, it’s a need.
So yes, we can call a need for quality time a want, but when we do not spend it long enough… we fall further from each other.
So I strongly encourage you to treat this short list of needs as needs indeed. Yes, maybe your husband won’t die if you do not fulfill them, but let’s say he will be more alive if you do 😉
Now, I also need to emphasize something before I finally present you the list of the needs of your husband.
You will not be able to satisfy all of his needs. Yes, you should try your best, but there will be times when you fail. Exactly like your husband fails you. We should not burden each other with fulfilling all of our needs all the time.
The truth is, nobody can do it. Except for God of course. So expecting that from your husband or yourself is carrying a burden that it’s not yours to carry.
Just bear that in mind – try your best, but if you fail once in a while, the world does not end just yet.
Need Nr 1 – Respect
There is this agenda that women are oppressed and men constantly try to push them down. Well, the sad truth is, sometimes women are the ones pushing men down…
They disrespect them, talk badly about them, and question their leadership. They are ruining their marriages like that because every man’s number one need is to be respected.
So if you ever wonder how to fulfill the needs of your husband, start by showing him respect. It might seem obvious, but it takes some effort to show respect. And there is a difference between quiet respect – when you agree with him, follow him with a bad attitude, etc. And the active one – oh wow! – when you joyfully trust and verbally show him respect in public and private.
Respect is such a complex concept it seems hard to grasp. Don’t worry, it was like that for me too. It still is at some moments, but I’m trying to understand the need for respect deeper and deeper each year that I spend with my wonderful husband.
Respect in Practice
If I wanted to write every single way of showing respect to a man, I would create a book. So I will just generally give you an idea with a few examples so you can understand what respect means to a man.
And believe me, it means a big deal to him!
Respect makes him feel masculine, powerful, and… loved. What a paradox, ha! Women’s first need is to be loved, while the first among the needs of your husband is to feel loved BY being respected.
So to make it all more understandable, I’ll give you examples of what NOT respecting your husband can look like:
- rolling your eyes after he makes a mistake
- cutting him off during a conversation
- complaining about him to him or – worse! – others
- not allowing him to make his own choices (aka babysitting him)
- becoming defensive every time he disagrees with you
- showing him contempt
I do not need to continue since you’ve seen the pattern. I know, you might read this list and feel bad about yourself, but there’s no need. Respect is learnable and yes, if you put some work into that, you can turn disrespect into respect pretty quickly.
The Top Needs of Your Husband – Examples of Respect
When I needed to explain respect for the first time, I did not know how. I mean, I knew the word and the basic meaning, but this word seemed much bigger than what I knew about it.
And I think that’s the right attitude – be humbled by the idea of respect and no matter how much you already respect your husband, aim for more. For example:
- verbally express how good he is at making decisions
- speak only good about him to other people
- do not nag him or complain about little things
- be grateful for his financial provision
- let him finish when he speaks and listen carefully
- be quick to listen, slow to speak
- let him lead you
The list goes on and on, but that’s a good starting point. If the idea of biblical leadership and submission is still blurred to you, I recommend you check the article fully dedicated to this crucial topic.
In summary, if you actively try to respect your husband, you can be almost sure the basic one of the needs of your husband is being fulfilled.
Need Nr 2 – You Know What 🙂
There is this thing that is not talked about enough in Christian circles, yet it is so important. My dear reader, you have every right to blush right now, because I will uncover some steamy things here.
Your husband needs sex. Making love. Intercourse. Intimacy.
I know, nobody died because of lack of sex (well, actually…). Yet, it is still a need. Because a sexless marriage equals a devastating marriage. God created sex as a gift and rejecting that can cause many issues.
Yes, there are situations when a wife has a higher sex drive than a man (it’s more common than you think!), but in the majority of the cases, it is the opposite. Because sex is a form of self-validation for a man.
He needs to feel desired and well-performing, just as much as needs to feel physically and emotionally close to you. Withdrawing sex is a terrible idea.
And, it might surprise you, but sex is a form of respect. You respect him, you think he is masculine, a good decision-maker, responsible, and so on, so hey, obviously you desire him.
Tell me more about this “need for sex”
Well, let me be direct. Your husband does not want you to always lay like a piece of wood and stare at the ceiling. He wants you to enjoy intercourse with him.
Because believe it or not, his need is not only to receive pleasure but also to give it. If you are not enjoying it, he might feel like he is not performing well.
The same thing applies to initiating. He can be the main initiator, but his need-of-self-validation-and-feeling-masculine-through-being-desired-by-his-wife will be fulfilled only if you initiate too, at least once in a while.
God created sex for both of you to enjoy so I do encourage you to use this gift as often as possible to be closer with your husband and build him up. And to simply have fun, too!
Need Nr 3 – Food
See? I’ve told you it’s not that hard. Respect your man, sleep with him, and feed him and everything will be all right 🙂
But seriously, if you cook nice manly dishes for your spouse, then you are fulfilling one of the needs of your husband like a pro. The essence is not in food – it’s showing him that you care and nurture him.
I know that nowadays roles at home are mixed and sometimes the husband is the one who cooks more. Each marriage is different and different things will work for you than for us.
But if you at least once in a while make something tasty for him, then believe me, your marriage will only benefit from it.
In Poland, there is a saying that can be translated as “Through stomach to the heart” which means you can make somebody fall in love with you by cooking for them.
I’ve recently seen a drawing showing two couples – a super hot lady in a bikini and her husband turning away to look at a less attractive lady in an apron who was holding a tray full of meat. The other man was married to the cooking housewife and he was turning away to look at the hot bikini lady.
I am not saying it is okay to present it like this. But there is a point to these drawings. If you give your husband sex, cook for him and additionally respect him… girl, you are perfect!
Three Tops Needs of Your Husband Fullfiled
Imagine that you give your husband exactly what he needs. How would it feel?
Let me tell you – it would feel awesome. He would grow as a man, love you better and ah, the sparks would be there all the time. It’s a win-win. You learn how to satisfy his needs better and he does the same for you.
You are married happily ever after!
Of course, it is way harder than it sounds and sometimes requires discipline and unconditional commitment.
But hey, you’ve got this. God is working in you and your husband is so so blessed to have you!
The Book That Can Help You Get It More
In the end, if you want to go deeper into the topic and become the wife your husband dreams of, I strongly recommend reading Linda Dillow’s book – “Creative Counterpart”. This book opened my eyes to many things and after I underlined a bunch of verses there, I finally got the aha moment. For me, it’s a must-have in every Christian library. I love Linda Dillow and that’s one of her most knoweledge-stuffed books so far.
Do you have some questions, or maybe need advice or two? Do not hesitate to reach out!
Comment One