Alright, my pigmentted reader, let’s talk about the unpleasant subject – first-year of marriage divorce rates.
I know, not exactly the romantic topic you were hoping for. But hey, forewarned is forearmed, right? Instead of focusing on the dark side, let’s think the topic through, more importantly, arm ourselves with the tools to navigate the potential bumps in the road.
The Stark Reality: First-Year Divorce Rates
So, here it is – the not-so-pleasant truth. Statistics show that the first year of marriage is a bit like a roller coaster; full of twists and turns, but sometimes, people want to get off before the ride is over. According to various studies, first-year divorce rates can be higher than in other years.
And now, I am not going to give you a percentage number because I strongly want to recommend that you stay in Marriage Land and push the statistics to the better side.
Our dictionary
I early on (before going down the aisle, actually) agreed with my husband that “divorce” will not appear in our marriage’s dictionary as long as these two things won’t happen:
- Betrayal – we took actions and set boundaries to make sure we are safe from anything like that happening, yet in this extreme situation divorce would be an option, but still only an option, not a must. I know couples that went through betrayal and healed.
- Physical abuse – if any of us would raise a hand at the other, then I pack my stuff and go back to Poland. Of course it will never happen, not with Alex. But that was my rule since I was 9,5 years old – if I am with a man that hit me, even if it was just once, I’m done.
Why Divorces Happen in the First Year?
Most issues can be overcame if you’re armed with the right tools – yet, it’s good to know your enemies. According to my observations, the most common reasons that cause the first year of marriage divorce rates so high are:
- Communication Breakdown – The ‘C’ word – communication. Or rather, the lack of it. Misunderstandings can pile up, leading to frustration and resentment.
- Unrealistic Expectations – We’ve all been there – those fairy-tale expectations that real-life struggles can’t quite live up to. And one by one they break marriages apart causing the first year of marriage divorce rates go higher.
- Financial Friction – Money matters, and financial stress can strain even the most robust relationships.
- Intimacy Imbalance: Balancing the excitement of newfound intimacy with the challenges of maintaining it can be tricky.
- Family Friction: The merging of families can bring unexpected tensions, from issues with in-laws to differing family traditions.
So, we could say, the Famous Trio – Sex, Money and Power make the first year of marriage divorce rates go up, right? You found yourself in one of the big 5 issues, or God forbid, even more. And what now?
The Pep Talk: Why You Shouldn’t Even Think About Divorce
Now, before you start entertaining thoughts of the ‘D’ word, let’s pause. Divorce might seem like an easy way out, but consider this: the most beautiful gardens often weather storms.
Your marriage, like a garden, needs care, attention, and the occasional weeding. Instead of giving up, let’s roll up our sleeves and get to work on the garden of your love story.
Okay, this metaphor sounded kinda cringy 🙂
What I was trying to say is that the family union is such a beautiful concept that our Father in Heaven created.
Everybody is familiar with this verse of the Bible – Do not separate what God has joined together (Mark 10:9). Yes, it is hard, but it is so worth it!
When you think about it, majority of the mental issues are caused by the family issues. Abusive or absent parents, divorce, betrayal…If anything bad happened in your family, you were traumatized as a child.
I was, too. But now I have my own family and a fresh start. You can give this security and love to yourself and your future children (and dogs if you are a dog person just like me :)) by simply deciding that no matter what, you will fight for your marriage.
Practical Solutions: Your Divorce Prevention Toolbox
Spoiler alert: It’s not rocket science; it’s relationship science. 🙂
1. Communication Hammer: The Weekly Check-In
Schedule a weekly check-in with your spouse. No, it’s not a business meeting; it’s a chance to share how your week went, what’s on your mind, and any concerns or joys.
Keep it casual, keep it honest, and watch how this simple act can prevent communication breakdowns.
It might seem like… uhm, what’s the word? Cliche? I hope 😉 But this weekly ritual can change a lot.
Ideally is to go out and have a date and simply catch up with each other, but “meeting” at home is also a good solution.
Business of life causes us to lose this romantic spark, so intentional fighting for it can save it.
2. Expectation Screws: The Reality Check Ritual
Sit down together and write down your expectations – not just for your spouse but for yourself as well. Are they realistic? Discuss them openly, adjust where needed, and remember, perfection is overrated. Embrace the beautifully imperfect reality you’re building together.
Like, seriously.
I cut veggies very specific way – not the most practical and certainly not the pretties way. But the thing is, I cannot do it differently!
That’s my my lovely husband accepts that our dinner looks like Minecraft cubes once in a while.
Acceptance is the key – really it is better to let go of some things and enjoy the beauty of uniqueness.
3. Financial Screwdriver: The Budget Bash
Financial stress can be a relationship killer, so let’s try to lower it. Set aside time to create a budget together. Be transparent about your financial goals, spending habits, and priorities. This not only prevents surprises but also strengthens your financial teamwork.
Let’s be honest, managing money is not easy. Now it is even doubly hard to manage finances as two DIFFERENT people.
One of you might be a spender, the other saver. And that’s a great balance, you can learn from each other!
Budgeting is not easy, but you’ll get there, I promise. The first step is to pick the right, suitable for you way of handling the finances.
4. Intimacy Drill: The Surprises Jar
Maintain the spark by creating a “surprises jar”. Come up with sweet gestures, date night ideas, or even your secret fantasies on pieces of paper. Pull one out regularly, and voila – instant romance.
This might seem impossible, because you are SO attracted to him and sex is just so fun, but hey, one day this desire will drop.
But do not give up, it can be brought back by intentionally working on your bedroom life.
5. Family Wrench: The In-Law Dynamics
Address family frictions by establishing clear boundaries and expectations. Communicate openly with your spouse about family dynamics and work together to create a united front. Remember, you’re building your own family now, and it’s a team effort.
I get you, it can get frustrating when there comes another issue with in-laws or there is a friction in the families. Pfff, it would be boring without it 🙂
I do not know a couple that claims that merging two families was easy and smooth. It never is! By openly addressing the issues (even if you have to do it more than 5573 times) and trying to find the balance, you will get peace once and for all.
Your Love Story, Your Way
So, dear wives, let’s change the statistics and make the first year of marriage divorce rates lower. Your first year should be a chapter of growth, laughter, and shared victories.
Build your love story with intention, communicate relentlessly, and remember, the most beautiful stories often come from the most challenging chapters.
The journey might have its bumps, but every twist and turn is an opportunity to strengthen your bond. Here’s to your love story – write your own narrative, and let this first year be the foundation of a lifetime of love.