Congratulations on entering the rollercoaster of first month of marriage!
The first month is a unique blend of joy, adjustment, and perhaps a few unexpected loops. If you find yourself facing first month of marriage problems, do not worry – you’re not alone.
Pour yourself a cup of coffee (or tea, if you’re British), and let’s talk about some common challenges and practical solutions.
First Month of Marriage Problems #1 The Kura Domowa Syndrome
If you are reading my posts for a while, you know what kura domowa is – Polish and impolite name for a housewife that is “only” take care of the house – literally it means “home chicken”.
Washing dishes, making dinner, and handling laundry – the routine becomes less waltz, more whirlwind. And the man that was supposed to make you feel like a princess, makes you feel like a slave. Where did the romance go?
Would you guess that he will expect you to do 98% of things around the house? You feel betrayed and abandoned. The shock is big especially in the first month of marriage. Here is what I did and you can start here too:
Solution 1: The Delegating Dance
Initiate the delegating dance – encourage your partner to take on specific household tasks. Even if there’s initial resistance, emphasizing the attractiveness of a partner helping out can turn domestic duties into a shared choreographic masterpiece.
Be persistent and do not give up – men are awesome household helpers, they just need regular encouragement and maybe a reminder that hey, taking out the trash can be sexy!
In today’s world it is essential for your husband to help you out – especially, if you are working as well. finding the perfect balance can be difficult, but you should start at least with assigning him 10% of the household chores. Okay, 9% for a start.
I’m telling it to you out of care – make the rules at the beginning of your marriage. If he gets used to doing everything alone, it will most probably stay like this.
There are debates about roles of wives and husbands but I know for sure that yeah, man should provide and woman nurture the Home. But taking small parts in each other’s main priorities is extremely bonding and… did I already mentioned it’s sexy?
Initiate cooking together, make a schedule of who does laundry when or simply talk about your expectations. Do not expect revolution, but rather evolution.
Solution 2: The Organized Rhythm
Rather than cramming all chores into one day, create an organized rhythm. Plan tasks strategically, allowing for a balance that transforms the routine into a well-choreographed dance. Remember, you’re partners, not solo performers in this domestic ballet.
But hey, I know how hard it can be. You want your home to be on yours and your husband shoulders in the way that feels good for both of you, but it is sometimes hard to balance – he comes from a different family and you as well.
But I am here to rescue you! I was suffering kura domowa syndrome for a few months and then I found some strategies that WORKED!
Now, when my mum visited us, she was impressed that my awesome husband makes coffee for her, washes the dishes and cooks for us. We both are not the house chickens, but King and Queen of the house. You want that too? My ebook covers up every little step of my method. Go and treat yourself with it!
It will be revealed in February (maybe even on 14th to make the mood haha). Sign up for my newsletter not to miss it – as soon as it’s out, you’ll be the first one to know it!
First Month of Marriage Problems #2: The Communication Carousel
Navigating the first month often involves learning each other’s communication styles. Misunderstandings arise, and suddenly, you’re during yet another drama.
How many tears fell down during my first month of marriage and that’s normal – two different people are starting life together. You want different things, he wants something else. But one thing is sure – you want to love each other. It just gets hard after 57th drama, right?
Solution 1: The Open-Communication
Hop onto the open communication – express your feelings, share your thoughts, and embrace vulnerability. Clearly communicating your needs avoids the dizzying loops of misinterpretation.
I know how silly it sounds, but the sooner you will learn how to express what’s on your mind without being aggressive, defensive or simply claiming a title of Drama Queen, the sooner the first arguments will calm down.
I’ll give you one decent piece of advice. Focus on yourself. What, Marysia? But he is the one who… Let me stop you right there. Once more, focus on yourself and improve your communication.
Look, if you give 100% out of yourself, then already half of the members of your marriage are better communicators 😉 He will do his part – men do not like staying behind, healthy competition about investing in marriage can do well for both of you.
Practice, practice, practice. Implement what you’ve learnt so far and take little step every time you hit the drama. For me step one was not to burst out into tears like a baby but hold the civilized conversation. I did it, I am not a cry baby anymore 🙂
Whatever is your weak side of communicating, recognizing it is the first step to success.
Solution 2: The Listen-and-Spin Method
Practice the art of active listening – it’s like staying on the carousel without getting dizzy. Oh my, I almost got dizzy just by writing word dizzy. See? The words have power. Read a few times “I have a fantastic marriage” and it will work its magic 😉
Understand your partner’s perspective before responding, ensuring a smoother ride on the communication carousel. Willing to understand without interrupting is crucial.
I recommend using “the magic pen strategy” – whoever holds a pen has a voice. The other person listens patiently and then receives a pen too. It is important to start your pen turn with “Do I understand correctly that you…” before presenting your side of the story. It takes practice and few broken pens, but it’s worth it!
First Month of Marriage Problems #3: Intimacy Issues
Amidst the chaos of the first month, the romantic wheel can be stuck in some issues. It is totally normal! The good news is, every issues can be overcame. And do not worry it the first month of marriage is almost over and you still did not do it. You’ll have a lifetime for it, trust me.
Solution 1: The Step by Step jar
I love jars! Jars with jams, pickles or sexy challenges like this one.
Inject humor and excitement into your intimate life with a special jar. Create a jar filled with romantic challenges that will help you push your comfort zone.
It can start very innocent, like “Passionate kiss”. And then a step further and further. Whether it’s trying new positions, initiating spontaneous moments or simply getting comfortable being naked in front of your husband, turn your bedroom into an amusement park of love.
Did you just roll your eyes? 😀 I did not mean to write it that cringy.. cringyrly? Help me there, what’s the correct form? Oh, right, I am the writer here, I should know.
Cringyryly, I say. Because why not? Just because nobody wrote it that way before does not mean it is not a fun word. Yes, that’s a hint. (Be original and creative in bed, that’s what I meant ;)).
Solution 2: Create a Safe Space
Make an environment where both of you feel safe and free from judgment. Intimacy is not only about physical connection but also emotional vulnerability. Establishing a safe space enables open communication about desires, fears, and expectations, creating the way for a more fulfilling intimate connection.
So, being direct, tell him what’s up! If it hurts, let him know. If sex scares you from multiple reasons, let him know. If you simply do not enjoy it, express it nicely.
First Month of Marriage Problems #4 Alarm Clock Wars
The synchronization of morning and evening routines turns into an alarm clock warzone, with competing alarms and snooze button disrupting your peaceful wake-up.
I know the feeling! My husband wakes up super early (4-5 am) and likes to go to sleep before 10. I also wake up early but not determined-to-go-to-the-gym-at-4-am kind of early. I get sleepy between 10-11 unless I’m with my bestie – then we talk till 4 am so we go to sleep when my husband wakes up, ha! But seriously, it is a challenge to synchronize the rhythm of life in marriage.
Solution 1: The Synchronized Sleep Ritual
Over the years I figured that we can go to sleep at different hours but it is healthy to go to BED at the same time. It’s good to create a synchronized sleep ritual that combines elements both of you find relaxing.
Whether it’s reading a book, listening to calming music, or sharing highlights of the day, establishing a shared pre-sleep routine can create a sense of connection, even if bedtime hours differ.
Solution 2: The Weekend Rhythm Reset
Designate weekends as a time for a rhythm reset. Find activities you enjoy, whether it’s a late-night movie, a morning hike, or a leisurely brunch. By intentionally hmm what’s the word in English? Merging? yup, there are games where you merge object into one. Well I hope I used the proper word haha.
So MERGE your schedules on weekends so that you create moments of shared rhythm that strengthen your connection.
Also, try things that your husband loves that you might feel skeptical about. I went to the gym with my husband few times (but not at 4 am, gosh no). We played Xbox together and watched few YouTube videos he was into.
I might be not interested in any of this things, but I certainly am interested in my husband.
So seriously, spend time the way he likes – he will appreciate when once in a while you’ll agree for XBox weekend.
You’ve got this!
Remember, the first month of marriage is a period of adjustment, and a journey that evolves over time. Be patient with each other, prioritize open communication, and approach intimacy as a shared adventure. These solutions aim to foster understanding, create a safe space for vulnerability, and infuse a sense of exploration into your Marriage Land.
Doesn’t it sound great? Issues are solvable, always! Sometimes it is good not to overthink it but go with the flow and have fun.
Is there an issue that I haven’t mentioned and you faced in the first month of marriage? Let me know in the comments so I can write part number 2 🙂