When parents give us advice, we usually do not want to listen at least to a certain age. But after a while, it turns out that marriage advice from parents can sometimes be useful.
Of course, many parents are divorced or not happily married, yet they’ve been through marriage and know something about it.
I’ve gathered the wisest and the most helpful marriage advice from parents that are being given to newlyweds. Let’s review them all together!
1. Marriage requires more than love
You heard it at least once, didn’t you?
When I was a little girl, this did not make sense to me at all. I believe that if you fall in love with the right man, then that’s it and you’re living happily ever after.
Marriage requires a lot of work – and we do not always feel like working on it. It takes commitment, determination, and selflessness (omg, so many s in this word :D).
It is good to be prepared for the moment – and believe me, that always comes – when you will not feel love, yet you will still decide on loving.
Our parents were not that wrong after all.
2. Wait with having kids
Ha, this one might seem controversial. The parents who shared this advice are usually the ones who had a child pretty soon. In many cases, the child was the reason for getting married.
Now, I do not want to discourage anybody from having children. They are such a joy and one of my dreams is to be a mum soon.
But the truth is – once you have a kid, you cannot go back. And the romantic time you have together as just the two of you will put a great foundation for you being parents.
The romance, the memories, building the team, discussing important matters and simply getting to know each other better is a good investment.
Of course, if the two of you are ready straight away, then sure, go for it. It is an individual case, but I think there is something about this advice as well.
3. Your spouse is your first family
It is hard to imagine that anybody else than your parents, siblings, and a golden fish Bob that you had since a child can become your family.
The transition is painful – after marriage, you and your spouse become the root of the family and you are responsible for major decisions about it.
Some people still stubbornly stick to their parents. I know a couple where a husband calls his mum every single day to complain about his wife. Yup, you’re right, this feels wrong.
I mean, calling your parents every day is okay as long as both of you are okay with it. But your spouse comes first when it comes to your time, energy, and everything else.
Yup, this marriage advice from parents certainly makes sense.
Okay, when it comes to cooking tips always head to your mum 😉 But other than that, make sure to prioritize each other.
If you struggle with this one, I am here to help you out – here are a few ways to improve teamwork in your marriage.
4. Do not fall asleep angry
I love this one. Even the Bible says “Do not let the sun go down on your anger” (Ephesians 4:26).
I found it to be very wise. You might not solve the problem before the night comes, yet still hugging or kissing goodnight can make you both feel more secure.
I use a very powerful, yet controversial technique. Whenever I am super angry with Alex and simply do not feel like stopping the anger… I imagine that he would die the next day.
This might sound dramatic, but believe me, I would hate for us to be so angry and upset on our last day. And the truth is, any day can be the last one.
I’ve also discovered over the years of being married, that the strongest anger is created out of hurt. Anger is a defensive reaction to being hurt.
You are suffering and you have every right for it. But taking care of your marriage so it does not suffer too can take as little as one minute hug before going to bed.
5. Set boundaries
I remember how rapidly I was texting my mum when we argued with Alex – I do not want to go into details, it was in the past and does not matter anymore, yet I think it is a good example.
One of us agreed on how he would spend our weekends behind the other spouse’s back. This was painful and we both felt awful.
Then, as I was texting my mum about it (do not judge me, I did not know what to do), she wrote something that caught my attention.
“You are his wife. Set boundaries”.
Wow, that sounds like nice marriage advice from parents, doesn’t it? But I was like – what? Can a wife really do this?
Now I know the answer is not only can but should. These boundaries should be set and talked about early on – whether they are about how much time you will spend with every side of the family, finances, intimacy, or emotions.
For example, we have a rule we do not call each other stupid. Never, ever. If one of us crosses it and in the heat of an argument does it, we step back, take some time, and come back to the conversation later.
Do not allow something that just does not feel right to you. As my mum said – set boundaries.
Thanks, Mum! One of the most useful marriage advice from parents I’ve ever heard.
6. Sex solves many problems
When I accidentally heard it (actually from my grandma lol so not marriage advice from parents, but still a wise one) when I was a teenager, I blushed so much I looked like the beetroot soup.
And then I got married and everything became clear. 🙂
Whenever you argue or just cannot meet halfway, make love. It might seem silly, but it helps. It bonds you two and makes you forget about anger and disagreement for a while.
Of course, sex should not be used as a punishment or reward, but it is a powerful tool to make the discussion less… verbal 😀
Couples that have thriving bedroom life are simply happier.
If I still haven’t convinced you, maybe try an experiment. Make love 30 days in a row and see if it makes the arguments happen less often 🙂
7. You will reap what you sow
Do you know this theory that marriage has four seasons? Hot and lovefull summer, nostalgic autumn, cold winter, and passionate spring? It seems true to me!
Of course, there will be moments of cold, but if you invest in your marriage in the hot times, then it will warm you up.
This is exactly why I recommend trying to get a Ph.D. in your marriage by reading books, listening to podcasts, and practicing what you’ve learned.
If you do not know where to start building this foundation, I would say – start from the intimacy. It is crucial to create a happy, intimate marriage and believe me, I’ve read a bunch of books on this topic.
I selected 6 of the best ones so feel free to check them out.
8. Remember, you are not enemies
Oh my, how could anyone view their spouse as an enemy? Well, to be honest, we all did at some point.
Okay, maybe the enemy is too strong of a word, but for sure words like opponent, annoying roommate, or pain in the neck would fit.
Sometimes we desperately want to have things our own way that we forget we are not supposed to fight against each other but by each other’s side.
That’s why gossiping or criticizing your spouse in public is such a bad idea. Having each other’s back could save so many marriages.
I’ve seen it as a child: a wife complaining about the husband and vice versa. It’s like they forgot why they fell in love with each other.
So if you ever find yourself in a stage of being enemies, I hope you can move to the enemies-to-lovers stage just as quickly.
9. Do not focus on flaws
I’ve heard that before you get married you need to have your eyes wide often, but after the wedding… be half blind.
It means to look for red flags before deciding on who to marry, but once it’s done – loving each other is more important than the flaws of the other person.
It is good to change for the better and help the spouse grow as well, yet not to concentrate on the bad things that much is one of the best marriage advice from parents one can hear.
Acceptance is a powerful key – so if you cannot change something about your spouse, let it go and focus on the positive qualities.
I’ll tell you a funny story – I used to be super messy. I’ve married a man who loves when things are clean and organized. He was complaining about my messiness till one day he decided to stop and let me be.
And today I am a pro cleaner. Because he accepted me and believed I could get there without being constantly reminded that I needed to grow in this sphere.
This advice does perform magic.
10. Do not forget to enjoy
Okay, honestly this is not marriage advice from parents, it’s mine. But I will for sure pass it on to my future children so I guess it counts 🙂
Sometimes we get so busy with being perfect wives and organizing the schedule, that we feel the pressure to build a successful marriage and slowly forget the fun along the way.
That’s why chilling out for a while can serve you well.
Fun is a necessary factor in marriage – so regular dates, playing together, and laughing can make you way happier as a couple.
11. Have each other’s phone passwords
Now, I know many of you will disagree. Relationship is about trust and security so not checking your partner’s phone should be a sign of it.
But true trust and exclusivity allow you both to have access to each other’s phones. People who feel like it’s invading their privacy usually have something to hide.
In a healthy marriage, you create a union. If somebody is not ready to be open with their spouse and share with them, this might mean there is something they wish to hide.
And marriage is not a place for secrets, which leads us to another marriage advice from parents.
12. Do not keep secrets
Honesty is crucial in marriage. The sooner you practice sharing embarrassing, sad, and weird things, the sooner you experience this exclusive, strong bond.
If you face temptation, issues, or challenges, sharing it with your spouse is needed.
Sharing is caring, as they say, right?
13. Welcome each other home
My aunt told me once “You’re running to Alex to welcome him home? I used to do that too with my husband”.
Used to. Why excited, loving welcome usually change into a cold “Hi”?
It should be a tradition to always welcome each other enthusiastically.
Look, I know this will not be the best comparison, but look at dogs – how happy they are to see their owners, even if they were gone for 4 minutes to get a pack of chips.
Why do people stop being happy to see each other? All it takes is to spend 3 first minutes after your spouse gets home differently.
This marriage advice from parents should be in every marriage book.
14. Learn each other’s love languages
The idea of love languages became popular just recently, and it is so powerful.
If you find out what your spouse’s love language is and start intentionally working on using it, the magic will happen.
We have different needs and we give and receive love in different ways so acknowledging that early in marriage can be very helpful.
15. Assume the best
This is a hard one – when your spouse fails you again and you just want to stop believing that they will ever fix their mistake.
But, believing in them and always assuming the best scenario brings sparks back to marriage.
I need to remind myself of it too – it never comes naturally to anybody.
Building this positive mindset is crucial and working on it is one of the most useful marriage advice from parents you can receive.
16. Use the magic pen
This one is lovely and helped us solve many disagreements peacefully.
The rules are simple – you pick a magic pen and whenever you need to talk a hot topic out, one of you takes it and talks as long as needed. The other person listens.
And then the turns switch.
It pushes both of you to listen to the other person and truly focus on healthy communication.
You can find the perfect magic pen for this role here. It is truly beautiful and has this lovely quote from the Bible.
Should you always listen to marriage advice from parents?
Well, not really. Parents are usually wiser or at least more experienced and their advice deserves respect, yet one should always be careful.
The list above covers the good and useful pieces of advice that we tested in our marriage, yet I’ve heard some that are not worth following.
For example, somebody’s mum told us that the kids always come first. Well, Alex and I early on decided we would be the most important people for each other. We create the root, the tree, and the children are the fruit.
They should be cherished and loved, but your spouse should be your priority. It’s the healthiest way of parenting – demonstrating to your kids that you two are the team.
So see, this advice seemed to go against our marriage compass. That’s why you should always review marriage advice from parents and follow what’s best for you and your spouse.
And as I’ve said in point 10 – do not forget to have fun! 🙂
Did your parents share a useful piece of marriage advice? I would love to read about it in the comments!
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