Intimacy is a crucial aspect of marriage; it builds emotional connections and should give pleasure. However, for many wives like you and me, it sometimes does not give pleasure. Instead, we experience the pain during sex. The question that often appears is, “Is pain during sex normal?”. Today I want to take you on a journey to explore this sensitive topic – we will discover the factors that can create the discomfort in the bedroom and answer your concern: is pain during sex normal? Join me when I confidently answer YES, IT’S NORMAL. But do not worry, I found few solutions to that.
1. Marysia, help! I get excited for my husband, but I am so dry!
Do not worry, my dear reader, I’ve been there too. This is tough, isn’t it? You do want this, you do want him, but the second it happens it… o-oh, hurts! You feel like your… let’s be tasteful in words – let’s say, your garden would need a whole freaking day to be properly watered down. But sometimes all we have is few minutes! What can you do?
Use lubri… lubre… oh my, how is this called?
Well, tiny bedroom secret, since I did not know how the “lubricant” was called, I used to call it “blue thingy”. The problem appeared when we bought a pink one 😂But jokes aside, it is not a shame to use it. It helps so much! Treat it as a little extra nutrition for your garden.
Give your garden time
Start thinking about the rain right in the morning (of course metaphorical rain, so anything that excites you about being intimate with your husband, no judging!) and then do the dance that attracts the rain (so enhance the foreplay… sexy rain dance is welcomed too).
2. Oh, but you know, I am never in the mood!
In this case, you can answer yourself – is pain during sex normal? Yes, it is, because if you do not really want it, your body will not want it too. So your garden turns into a dessert. Again, I’ve been there and I did not enjoy Sahara that much. So I figured out what I can do to change it.
Make a list of spark-burners
Uhm? What are the spark-burners? All the factors that give you this tiny, little fire of desire. For us, women, these are usually non-sexual actions such as your husband taking the trash out or giving you this admiring gaze. Make the list – see, your garden wants to bloom, it just needs a small motivation!
Unlock your imagination
Now, this one can be kind of controversial. Let me guess, you do not feel like eating fries now, do you? What if I described to you that these fries would be crunchy and salty enough, and you could dip them in your favorite sauce… See? Now you are craving fries! Putting the right fuel to your imagination can get you in the mood.
3. You know, I get stressed and automatically… well, close the garden’s gates.
I know, honey – you want to have sex, but once it all starts, you panic and then your body goes against you. This is a normal reaction for pain during sex. It can be a struggle, but you can start here:
Talk about it
It might not be easy, but once your husband will know about it, you can overcome it together. He can distract you, you can laugh together, and even if it takes 11 tries for you to actually start the act, it is okay. Do not feel guilty. Give yourself time and ask for the same from your husband’s side.
Work out
This paradoxically helped me a lot. Regular workouts, especially slow ones like pilates or stretching, give you more control over your body. And long-term they help your muscles relax. I was always a fit-freak, but once I incorporated slow, controlled activities once a week, I noticed improvement in the bedroom sphere too!
4. I feel so dull. There’s only one position in which the pain in bearable.
Omg same! You would like to give some variety, but every modification hurts more and more. It becomes so sad and boring that you think if you should give up at all. No, you shouldn’t. Here is what you can do instead:
Do acrobatics
I see you opened your eyes widely. What is this Marysia talking about? It hurts even during the least acrobatically position ever and she wants me to jump around? Well, yes. Warm yourself up with the least painful position and then move into the different one. Your garden will be already prepared and it will simply hurt less.
Explore possibilities
Marriage’s bedroom allows you to freely explore what else can be done that’s nice for both of you. You might know there are other ways than – eh, i have to use this medical word – penetration. These ways can freak you out, but I strongly encourage you to try them out. For sure they do not hurt 😉
5. You do not understand! The things that happened to me… They all cause the pain during sex.
I understand more than you think. Trauma and sexual abuse are truly hard to bear with. It requires patience and empathy from both of you and your husband. But I overcame it. And you can too. Try these:
Slow dance
It is crucial to overcome the trauma step by step (because overcoming it too fast can create another trauma. Trauma-in-trauma, oh my, we do not want that!). Gentle touch, small kiss, whatever you are ready for. And then take a tiny step. Maybe it will mean you need to take two steps back. But believe me, brick by brick you will build strong sexual bond with your husband.
Consult with a specialist
This might help you move few steps further. I know it’s scary and seems embarrassing even though it is normal. If you are not ready to meet with a therapist, try digital psychological resources. I know for sure that there isn’t intimate issue that cannot be solved.
Sooo is pain during sex normal?
I think at this point you can answer this question – is pain during sex normal? It is normal and more common than we think. Luckily there are ways presented above to make it all less or even totally painless. Are you ready to take a step to improve intimacy in your marriage? If so, which tip will you try first?
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